


The Kissing Journals

by InTheWild



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Timeline, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Kissing, M/M, POV Alternating, Some Swearing, but it switches between them both, emphasis on the friends part of the friends to lovers, kissing leading to realizations, well not /strictly/ alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26024569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheWild/pseuds/InTheWild
Summary: "Like what if some guy asks me out and we go on all these dates and he finally kisses me, but it turns out I really don’t like it! That would be so awkward!”“I don’t think it works that way,” Tsukki responded simply.“But you don’tknowbecause you’ve never actually kissed anyone! What if it does work that way?”Tsukki pinched the bridge of his nose and Tadashi knew that he was beginning to get to the end of his wits with this conversation. “Why don’t you just kiss some guys and some girls and make a list comparing how you feel or something,” he drawled.It wassucha Tsukki answer that Tadashi had to laugh. Just organize your feelings into a list. Of course.Although, he had to admit, it wasn’t a terrible concept.----------Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are just friends, until Yamaguchi manages to drag Tsukki into a pseudo-scientific kissing research project and things begin to change.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 93
Kudos: 441





	1. Data Mining for Animal Mating Rituals

**Author's Note:**

> Hi thanks for coming! The idea of this fic basically just came from me wanting to just kinda play around and explore the whole "practice" kissing trope, but with no pining on either sides. What if they both really just think of each other as friends, how would that go down? Well... they'd probably kiss some other people first. Everything is fine and normal; they're just friends... until they're not.
> 
> Because of the nature of the concept of this fic, there are some Yamaguchi/Yachi and Tsukishima/Kuroo scenes, but there is **absolutely no** jealousy, cheating, or misunderstandings at all. And the focus is clearly Tsukishima/Yamaguchi. Even so, if you don't like either of those two pairings for whatever reason and prefer not to read about them in any capacity then this fic might not be for you.
> 
> I started writing this a while ago, so I've got the first four chapters finished and plan to update weekly so that hopefully the last two chapters will be ready to go by then! Thanks again, I hope you like it!

**The Kissing Journals**

**Chapter 1: Data Mining for Animal Mating Rituals**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

“Tsukki, why do you even keep the gifts when you just say no anyway?” Tadashi watched with mild amusement as his friend struggled to keep ahold of the two chocolate boxes he had been given earlier in the day.

“They put effort into them or whatever,” Tsukishima attempted to shrug while balancing the boxes as they walked. “Here, take one of these. I’m not going eat them anyway.”

Tadashi put his arms out just in time for Tsukishima to dump one of the boxes onto his forearms. He only barely tried to conceal his laughter as he took in the annoyed look on Tsukki’s face.

“Two days. Summer break has been over for _two_ days and this girl already decides she’s in love with me,” he scoffed. “And why more than one box? Does she think that I’ll be impressed by the negligible extra money she put down to give me two boxes instead of the traditional one?”

“Maybe it was supposed to be one box for every day she’s been in love,” Tadashi made no attempt to hide his chuckle this time. “You know, to show her loyal devotion.”

“Ugh, I hope not.” Tsukki looked positively disgusted, and Tadashi let out another laugh.

“I don’t get why you get so mad about it though,” his giddiness subsided slowly. “It must be nice to at least know someone is thinking about you.”

Tsukishima glared at him from the corner of his eye. Tadashi knew the look meant “ _you think I give a shit if anyone is thinking about me?”_ But he also knew it was a bit of a lie. True, Tsukki probably didn’t care what some random girl in their class thought about – whether he was included in those thoughts or not – but Tadashi also knew Tsukki generally didn’t want to be thought of poorly either. It was the real reason he never threw out the gifts, why he tried so hard at school, prided himself on his intelligence, and why he spent so much care and effort into seeming like he didn’t care at all.

Tadashi merely shrugged and ignored Tsukki’s death glare. “Well, I’m certainly not complaining if I keep getting these free chocolates out of it.”

“You’d think of these days they’d learn that I don’t actually _like_ chocolates. You know, since they’re so in love with me or whatever.”

Tadashi laughed easily as they came up to the turning point between their houses. “Oh, your place or mine today Tsukki?”

“Mine. Nii-chan finally went back to Sendai last night.”

 _Meaning that for the first time in months, the house will be quiet just like Tsukki likes,_ Tadashi thought absently. “So, are you saying that if some girl showed up in class with a perfectly made strawberry shortcake and professed her undying love, you would actually date her?”

“Of course not.” He paused. “I might ask her for the recipe though.”

Tadashi snorted, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re so cold Tsukki. ‘ _I don’t love you, you don’t love me, and dating in high school is lame. But I would like to use you for your culinary skills._ ’” Tadashi did his best Tsukishima impression, putting on the most polite and matter-of-fact voice he could, and pressing invisible glasses up the bridge of his nose for added effect.

“Dating in high school _is_ lame,” Tsukishima pressed on, ignoring the impersonation. Tadashi had heard this mantra many times before. “There’s no point. You hold hands in public, maybe fool around a bit in private, and then you end it when you graduate. Why put in so much effort to something that’s just going to end anyways.”

Tadashi sighed. Tsukki’s anti-dating speech sounded a lot like his anti-extra-practicing speech. And while Tadashi was quietly proud to see that Tsukki had been practicing on his own – and even with his brother – since their weeklong training camp in Tokyo over the summer, Tsukki’s rationality was as airtight as ever. Getting in his face and yelling about pride again probably wouldn’t work in this situation. Besides, just because Tadashi disagreed, didn’t mean he didn’t understand Tsukki’s reasoning.

A few more steps and they reached the Tsukishima household. They shrugged off their shoes and said a quick hello to Tsukki’s mom before heading upstairs. Tadashi hadn’t been to Tsukki’s house for most of the summer. Even though things were getting better between him and Akiteru, Tsukki still didn’t willingly offer himself to his brother’s company very often – meaning most summer days had been spent at Tadashi’s house instead.

Tadashi was happy to be back; the house held a quiet sort of nostalgia for him and it already felt like they were back to their regular after-school routine. Tsukki sat at his desk, his back to where Tadashi was sprawled across the bed, both of them with notebooks spread across their respective surfaces. Tadashi had the open box of chocolates next to his and absentmindedly popped one into his mouth. _Hm, store-bought. Guess she didn’t love you enough to make them herself. I approve of the rejection this time, Tsukki._

“You think it’s like, sacrilegious to eat confession chocolates that were meant for someone else?” Tadashi mused.

“Well if it is, you’re going to hell for sure. I don’t think I’ve had a single chocolate box that wasn’t eaten by you,” Tsukishima responded, not looking up from his notes.

“Mm, I guess I’ll just have to live with those consequences then,” he hummed as he grabbed another chocolate from the box. “Although, I think if I had the courage to give these to someone else, I’d feel pretty sad at the thought of the wrong person eating them.”

“Good thing guys don’t usually do the confessing then.”

“Mm.” _Why don’t guys confess too?_ The thought snagged at something that Tadashi had been avoiding thinking about for a few weeks now. “I guess you’re right. I don’t even know who I’d confess to anyway if I had the option.”

Tsukki stopped writing to look at Tadashi, his eyebrows pinched together ever so slightly. “You would _want_ to confess to someone?” His voice puffed out with a resigned sigh.

Rolling his eyes, Tadashi shifted to lean on his elbow and better face Tsukishima. “Well yeah, if there was someone. I’m not the mayor cynic town like you are, Tsukki.”

“Ha, ha,” Tsukki returned the eye roll. “I thought you agreed that dating in high school is stupid.”

“I mean, I agree logically,” he waved his hand as he spoke. “But don’t you ever feel like you’re missing out on an opportunity to figure out what you do or don’t like? Like types of people you’d be compatible with or types of people you would want to kiss?”

Tsukki’s brow furrowed further at Tadashi’s wording, but he seemed to decide to ignore it, and instead said, “I know what I like.”

Tadashi scoffed. “Oh, do you? And how did you manage to learn that with all your wealth of experience?”

“Well, I know I _don’t_ like countless random girls who don’t know a thing about me coming up and trying to convince me of their love for me, when in reality they just see my affections as some sort of conquest that they can brag to their friends about if in some parallel universe I ever said yes to such a baseless confession.”

Tadashi blinked. “Wow. That was so specific,” he deadpanned. “And it actually proves my point perfectly. You know you hate that type of confession, but what if it was someone who actually did know you? What if there are things you _do_ like and you just don’t know about them because you won’t try?”

Tsukishima paused. “Like kissing other ‘types of people?’” He used air quotes to emphasize that he was paraphrasing Tadashi’s earlier question, and Tadashi felt something die inside him a bit. He had been hoping Tsukki would continue to just gloss over that particular bit of information, but his glare was saying otherwise.

“U-um, for example, yeah.”

There was another long pause while Tsukishima just stared at him. Tadashi knew that stare, it was the “ _are you really going to make me ask you a personal question right now”_ stare.

“Yamaguchi. Are you trying to tell me you’re gay?”

“I’m not _trying_ to tell you anything, I was just talking! We were talking about _you_ actually! It’s not my fault you have to read into every single little thing anyone says or does,” Tadashi deflected, hoping the slight crack in his voice wasn’t noticeable. This wasn’t exactly how he imagined this conversation would happen. In fact, he hadn’t imagined a conversation at all. He had just sort of assumed that eventually Tsukishima would find out on his own somehow, click his tongue in mild interest, and then they’d both move on as usual. He didn’t think they’d _discuss_ it. They usually didn’t discuss much of anything in detail. They didn’t have to.

But Tsukishima just continued to look passively at Tadashi’s face. “So?”

“I, uh, well, definitely not _exclusively_ ,” he mumbled. “I’m sure I at least think girls are cute, but sometimes I might think guys are okay too?”

“Mm,” Tsukishima studied his face for a moment longer. “Okay.” And he turned back around to look over his notes.

“That’s it?” Tadashi asked in mild disbelief. _Oh. I guess we’re_ not _discussing it._ A small stone that felt suspiciously like disappointment formed in his stomach.

Tsukki shrugged, looking back over his shoulder. “Oh, were you not done? There was all that buildup, then you told me you’re probably bi or pan or whichever, so I thought the conversation was over.”

“Tsukki,” Tadashi whined, “that wasn’t even the point of what I was trying to say.” He couldn’t even blame him really. Tadashi often did spend a lot of his time beating around what he was actually trying to say in the hopes of not seeming too obvious. Not that it ever really worked though, Tsukki could read him too well.

“Oh? What was the point then?”

“That I don’t even know _how_ to know what I like if I have no experience! Like what if some guy asks me out and we go on all these dates and he finally kisses me, but it turns out I really don’t like it! That would be so awkward!”

“I don’t think it works that way,” Tsukki responded simply.

“But you don’t _know_ because you’ve never actually kissed anyone! What if it _does_ work that way?”

Tsukki pinched the bridge of his nose and Tadashi knew that he was beginning to get to the end of his wits with this conversation. “Why don’t you just kiss some guys and some girls and make a list comparing how you feel or something,” he drawled.

It was _such_ a Tsukki answer that Tadashi had to laugh. Just organize your feelings into a list. Of course.

Although, he had to admit, it wasn’t a terrible concept. There was only one flaw.

“Except that no one wants to kiss me at all. I’d just be the same as I am now, except I’d have a blank piece of paper staring back at me, guilting me with its expectations.”

Tsukki scoffed lightly. “Well you can try for Furukawa-san if you want. She seemed desperate enough.”

“Who?”

“The girl whose chocolates you’ve been eating,” he pointed to the box sitting next to Tadashi on the bed.

His jaw dropped in mock offense. “First, I steal her chocolates from you, and then I take her love too? I could _never_.”

“One, I offered you the chocolates. Two, you can’t just _take_ people’s love. And three, I don’t like her anyway so it doesn’t matter.”

Tadashi narrowed his eyes. “You know I was joking. Why do you have to take it so seriously like that.”

Tsukki shrugged. “Fun.”

Sighing, Tadashi ignored him. “But how do you _know_ you don’t like her?”

“Oh my god, Yamaguchi. You’re giving me a headache,” he pinched the bridge of his nose again. “I thought this was supposed to be about _you_ not knowing what you like, why do you keep dragging me into it?”

“Well… doesn’t it bother you? Not knowing for sure?” He paused, knowing he needed to tread carefully, “because current evidence would suggest that you aren’t really interested in girls at all. Maybe you should try kissing a few people too – you don’t have to date to kiss.” He spoke quietly and quickly, hoping he wasn’t overstepping the invisible conversational barriers that seemed to sometimes pop up around them.

But Tsukki just seemed to think for a moment before speaking again carefully. “…So, your argument is that – while you agree that dating in high school in ultimately pointless – you think that kissing people is beneficial to figuring out our sexualities?”

 _So clinical_ , Tadashi sighed. “Well, if I found someone I really liked, I don’t think I’d be opposed to dating them. But, otherwise yes.”

He was quiet for a moment before sighing begrudgingly. “I guess that makes some sense.”

“So, you’ll do it?” Tadashi sat up straight, “you’ll tell her you’ve changed your mind?”

Tsukishima looked at him like he had just spoken in gibberish. “Tell who what now?”

“Furukawa-san. You’ll tell her you changed your mind and that you’ll go on a date with her.”

“I agreed that your theory made some sense. _Some_ ,” he raised an eyebrow pointedly. “I did not agree to put that theory into practice.”

“But Tsukki, you already know she likes you! And since I don’t have any options, you can be the first data point. Look,” Tadashi twisted to grab one of his open notebooks, and dangled it out in front of him as if he was offering a piece of meat to a ravenous dog. “We can make lists just like you suggested, with different categories and sections, and then we can compare both of our experiences to best figure out what works for each of us. It’ll be like real research! An experiment if you will.” He wiggled the notebook one more time for good measure.

“You make it sound like we’ll be data mining animal mating rituals or something.”

Tadashi shrugged, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I figured that would make it more appealing to you.”

Tsukishima’s eyes scrunched shut and he mumbled something that sounded like “how is this really my life.”

“It’ll be fine! Just one date! Make sure you’re nice enough so that she wants to kiss you – no snarky comments! And just try and pay attention to how the whole thing feels, should be pretty easy for you since you pay attention to everything.”

“’Be nice enough so she’ll kiss me?’” Tsukishima looked at him incredulously. “First you manipulate me by making this sound semi-educational, and then you tell me to _coerce_ kisses out of some girl? I would have pegged you for more of a romantic, Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

Tadashi’s eyes widened, and for the first time since he brought up the topic, he felt his cheeks flush. “Th-that’s not what I meant! _Obviously,_ I don’t want you to force her! I just meant that you need to actually try! You know, put in effort to be a good date!”

Tsukki exhaled through his nose. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi smiled in relief. He waited only a few more moments before he spoke up again. “Okay, so I was thinking we should each keep our own notes, and then we should have categories for how well we know the person too. Like acquaintances versus close friends for example.”

Brow furrowed; Tsukishima looked up from where he was pulling a fresh notebook from his bag. “Why?”

“Well I was serious earlier when I said different types of people. I didn’t just mean gender – don’t you think comfortability will play a factor in all of this?”

“Mm, yeah I suppose so.” He clicked his pen and wrote something down on the blank page.

Giddy excitement bubbled in Tadashi’s chest. He knew that posing it as research would work. If they were in this together, then hopefully he could feel less nervous and silly about the whole thing. These thoughts had been rolling around aimlessly for a few months now, and he’d really like to just nail them down and keep them still so he could worry about other more important things. Following Tsukki’s lead, he started drawing some lines down his paper to form a chart.

“So, who did you have in mind?” Tsukishima asked, face still concentrated on his own scribbling.

The excitement quieted for a moment, beginning to simmer into nervousness instead. “Uh, what do you mean?”

“Well, you came up with the categories, and you said you might be interested in guys too. You don’t expect me to believe that you thought about all of that without at least having one person you’re attracted to?” He looked up flatly.

“U-uh, w-well…” He trailed off, images of volleyball shorts, strong legs, the line of long graceful movements broken up by kneepads; forearms flexing in preparation of taking action, and the curl of slightly damp hair at the base of their neck. If Tadashi was being totally honest, he had noticed more than a few guys on the team weren’t exactly hard to look at – but he had to be careful which one he chose to mention to Tsukki. While he didn’t have an active crush on anyone, certain choices were still bound to lead to more teasing than others.

Tsukishima only raised his eyebrows as further prompting.

“U-um, well… Asahi-san isn’t… bad?” Tadashi squeaked out.

“Azumane-san!?” Tsukishima’s eyes widened incredulously, a dangerous smirk just barely pulling at the corner of his mouth. “You wanna get railed by Azumane-san? More like you’d probably have to do the railing – sure he’s big but he’s definitely a bot – “

“ _Tsukki!_ ” Tadashi let out a laugh that sounded much more like he was choking. “I don’t wanna get – I’m not going to rai – we were talking about _kissi_ – I was just,” he took a deep breath and glared while Tsukishima continued chortling openly. “You asked who I was attracted to. Asahi-san is tall, has nice hair and looks really cool when he does his jump serve,” Tadashi finished matter-of-factly, only slightly struggling to keep his cool.

“Fair enough,” Tsukishima shrugged, his voice was no longer teasing, but he still had that shit-eating grin on his face. “I’m guessing you don’t actually want to date him though, and no way is Azumane-san going to agree to some weird kissing experiment. So, you’ll probably need to find someone else for that category.”

Tadashi sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I’ll start making a list of maybes.”

“Mm,” Tsukki grunted in approval as he wrote down what looked like a second name to his own “maybe” list.

Just like he had suspected, Tadashi’s paper looked up at him emptily, flatly laying out all its expectations of him. But still, there was that giddy excitement swirling through his veins. Even if Tadashi didn’t have anyone lined up yet, Tsukishima would surely have a date by the end of the week, and maybe that could help them both learn something about themselves. At least, he hoped so.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The OC mentioned in this chapter will make another appearance in the next chapter, but it's all in the name of development, I promise!
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	2. The Volume of Your Perfume is Atrocious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima goes on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning to post this on Thursday, but I'm going to be busy the next few days and I'd rather have it up early than late, so here it is lol. Thanks as always for reading!

**The Kissing Journals**

**Chapter 2: The Volume of Your Perfume is Atrocious**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Kei refused to buy flowers. Even though Yamaguchi had suggested it at least twice, it was too much of a gesture. Just because he had agreed to go along with this whole kissing experiment thing didn’t mean he needed to lead this girl on. He had been as clear as he possibly could when he approached her to inform her that he had changed his mind – he politely explained how he thought dating in high school didn’t serve a purpose, but that he figured he should at least give it a chance before writing it off completely.

Furukawa-san was surprisingly wary. What with her deep confession, and double chocolate box gift the day before, Kei had assumed her eyes would light up like she’d won the lottery. He had half expected her to wink over his shoulder to her friends as if to signal they owed her money from the bet they had likely placed on the outcome of her confession. But instead, she just stared back at him before cautiously accepting.

They agreed to go out to the movies on Friday night. And proceeded to not speak to one another for the next two days – out of awkwardness or date etiquette, Kei wasn’t sure. His lack of experience with the mechanics of dating was slowly grating on him, and he had to begrudgingly admit that _maybe_ this whole thing might be good for him. Besides, watching Yamaguchi quietly embarrass himself while he tried to cover up his not-so-subtle thumbs ups every time he saw Furukawa-san even glance Kei’s way, was fairly entertaining.

Now that he was stood flowerless outside of the Furukawa residence – with Yamaguchi’s over-the-top winks nowhere to be seen – Kei couldn’t help but be eternally grateful that he wasn’t the type of person to get nervous.

A moment after ringing the doorbell, she stepped out onto the porch, her face still laced with apprehension.

“Furukawa-san,” Kei bowed his head.

“Makoto is fine,” she replied, standing up a bit taller, her artificial floral perfume lightly wafting up to him.

“Okay.” _No way am I letting you call me Kei._ He paused a moment before offering his arm out to her.

Hesitantly she looked from his elbow up to his face, her long ponytail falling over her shoulder. “So, we’re really doing this? No tricks?”

“Tricks?” Kei asked, mildly taken aback.

“Well, yeah,” she huffed. “You seemed pretty indifferent when I confessed on Tuesday, and only barely less indifferent when you came back to ask me out the next day. I just want to make sure you didn’t lose some sort of bet, or have half the volleyball team waiting at the theater to jump out and laugh at me for going on a pity date or something.” Even though her voice shook faintly, Kei could feel a vein of anger below the surface.

Heat crept up the back of his neck. While he would never do anything as asinine as taking a girl on a date just to laugh at her, he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he wasn’t exactly here because he _liked_ her either. But she seemed to know that already, didn’t she – given his speech when he proposed the idea, and her wariness now.

Probably best to just continue being transparent, and if she tells him to shove off then he could just make Yamaguchi ask some girl out and have that be the first data point instead. Actually, that was probably preferable so that he could avoid whatever awkwardness was surely in store for him tonight.

“What I said the other day was true. I generally don’t see the point in dating in high school, but my friend suggested to me that it isn’t exactly fair of me to just write everyone off without giving them a chance. I apologize that my feelings still aren’t exactly what you were hoping, but I am trying to be open-minded.”

“It was Yamaguchi-kun’s idea?” Her shoulders relaxed some, and head quirked to the side.

 _More like it was a gay-panic-induced-Yamaguchi’s idea,_ Kei thought. But he opted to keep that bit to himself, and instead gave an affirmative shrug.

“Hm,” Makoto hummed thoughtfully. “You know, it was seeing you two together that gave me the courage to confess in the first place. I already thought you were cute and I figured if someone as kind as he is spent so much time around you, then you must not be as hard to reach as all my friends thought.”

Kei resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose. He hated being observed, even if it was for something as simple as his friendships. “Yamaguchi isn’t that kind,” he countered instead, thinking of the times Yamaguchi would snicker at the questionable jokes Kei had told at their teammates’ expense.

Makoto surprised him with a laugh, and studied him for a moment. Kei mentally squirmed. “Okay. Friendly then,” she stated like she had just decided it was a fact. She reached out to finally link her arm with his. “Well then, I accept your apology. Let’s go see if I can change your mind about the whole dating thing.”

 _I doubt it,_ Kei almost scoffed, but he had to admit her slowly regaining confidence was amusing – if not even a bit endearing.

As they made their way down the street to the local theater, Kei became aware of two things. First, Makoto’s perfume seemed to be getting stronger now that she was so close to him, and he had to do his best to breathe through his mouth nonchalantly. Second, walking with her actually wasn’t terrible. She spoke a lot, but not unintelligently, and didn’t seem bothered by Kei’s minimal responses. It was almost like she somehow knew not to expect him to be talkative, and he was struck again by the notion that she had probably been paying attention to him for some time.

 _Of course, she has, idiot. That’s what people do when they have crushes,_ he scolded himself. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable about the fact that this person who he had never noticed before seemed to have a fairly good grasp on his personality. There was nothing even overtly wrong with her presence – she didn’t seem like the type to have a shrine of him in her bedroom or anything. But the idea of being _seen_ by someone else, even at surface level, left Kei feeling unsettled.

Once they reached the theater, he did his best to shake himself out of his overthinking. He could practically hear Yamaguchi’s voice telling him to ‘just be _present_ , you know, like a normal person.’ Even though the stupid kissing as exploration thing was the original catalyst for Yamaguchi to get him to agree to this date, they had both agreed that just being a good date should be his primary focus. Going into the evening with the _goal_ of kissing this girl felt gross all around. Being on the date at all, and trying to be open – an idea Kei had grimaced at originally – would probably be good for him. He’d only initiate a kiss if he actually wanted to kiss her on his own accord.

He had told Yamaguchi that seemed highly unlikely.

Kei bought the movie tickets and the popcorn, and let her pick where their seats were along with the movie itself. Overall, she had good taste. She sat them right in the middle where they’d have the best view of the whole screen, and the movie itself was engaging, maybe a bit too conceptual, but not overly dramatic. Generally, Kei _hated_ when people talked during movies, but Makoto’s commentary was infrequent, sharp and poignant. He surprised himself by almost smiling at her jokes more than once.

About halfway through, he felt her shift in the seat beside him as she carefully reached over to place her hand in his. _Hm, small,_ he remarked, _her hands would be terrible for blocking._ Immediately after the thought passed idly through his head, he scrunched his nose in distaste. Kageyama’s volleyball single-mindedness must somehow be getting to him. Disgusting.

“You’re strange, Tsukishima-kun,” Makoto giggled softly beside him.

 _Oh, right. Seeming grossed out when your date holds your hand is probably bad etiquette._ “Sorry,” he replied, but offered no further explanation. Rehashing how her hands had reminded him of his dumbass teammate in the middle of a movie theater wasn’t worth the effort.

She hummed and looked him over momentarily before turning back to the screen, her hand still laying in his delicately.

_I’m probably really lucky she hasn’t slapped me in the face yet._

* * *

The movie ended and neither of them seemed to know how to navigate the idea of going somewhere else, so Kei just walked her home. Her hand stayed wrapped around his the whole way there though, so he assumed he hadn’t totally failed.

“Well _I_ had a good time tonight, Tsukishima-kun,” she emphasized, looking up at him with a twinkle in her eye. “I’m not sure why you were so scared of dating, for the most part you’re pretty good at it.”

Kei was about to retort back that _fear_ had nothing to do with his apprehension toward dating, but as soon as he parted his lips to speak, Makoto had quickly risen up on her toes to press her mouth to his. Shock kept his body totally still, but as usual his brain supplied him with a litany of thoughts. He hated that Yamaguchi was right – Kei was easily able to catalogue each and every thing he was thinking in this moment.

Had she always been this tall? His back was only slightly hunched down to meet her momentarily increased height. He wondered if lipstick somehow made her lips more chapped than an average person’s, or if all girls lips were like that. Now that his mouth was occupied, he had to breathe solely through his nose and it was like her perfume was increasing in volume, winding up and ringing in his ears.

When she pulled back seconds later, their lips made an embarrassing smacking noise, and for what felt like the thousandth time that night Kei held himself back from grimacing openly. Makoto’s eyes stared back at him, as thoughtful and oddly irksome as ever. He felt like he was a lab rat on display, about to poked and prodded.

But, as quickly as she had kissed him, she gave him a cheerful goodbye with a promise to see him in class, before she turned around and left him on the porch.

Kei stood there for all of five seconds, slightly confused, before he pulled out his phone and started walking back down the street, toward more familiar territory.

* * *

Tadashi was sitting cross legged on his bed with a bag of chips and his laptop in front of him, waiting patiently and trying not to think of his (still) painfully empty kissing list, when his phone vibrated.

**Tsukishima Kei:** Makoto-san kissed me?

_What!?_ Immediately Tadashi’s mind began to whirl and he practically threw his phone into his face with how much he fumbled it. _Makoto-san!? The only Makoto we know is –_

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** Shimada-san!??

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** wha, but, fuck, how??

**Tsukishima Kei:** NO.

 **Tsukishima Kei:** Gross.

 **Tsukishima Kei:** And old.

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** okay, then ???

The chat bubble next to Tsukki’s name indicated he was typing for a few seconds before it went away completely. Less shocked, but still confused, Tadashi opened up his contacts to call Tsukki when he heard a knock on his front door.

He ran out and opened it, about to demand an explanation when Tsukishima spoke first. “Furukawa-san’s given name is Makoto. So, you can stop freaking out now.”

“Oh,” Tadashi’s shoulders relaxed in relief. “Well you should have said that first!”

Tsukki shrugged, smirking as he walked down the hall to Tadashi’s bedroom.

“ _Tsukki_ ,” he hiss-whispered, knowing that even though it was just his mom in the house, Tsukki wouldn’t want Tadashi to be drawing attention to him. Especially not when the subject was kissing. _Confusing_ kissing apparently, given the question mark at the end of Tsukki’s text. “ _What happened?_ ”

True to form, Tsukishima turned back with a slight glare, like Tadashi should have known better, before he pushed open the bedroom door and waited for Tadashi to follow him inside.

Tadashi resumed his spot on his bed, legs crossed and chip bag ready to be eaten in tandem with what he hoped was a rigorous retelling of Tsukki’s date. He stared, waiting.

Tsukishima sighed, pushed up his glasses, and sat down at Tadashi’s desk chair, taking his sweet time. He’d never admit it, but he a bit of a flair for the dramatic. And as entertaining as it could be, right now Tadashi really just wanted him to get to the good stuff.

“Come on,” Tadashi complained. “We agreed we’d talk about how it went so we can compare with mine later!”

Tsukishima paused only one second more, as if to make some sort of point about his control of this situation, before he began. “Well we went to the movies and it was fine, she held my hand in the middle of it – “

“Ooh,” Tadashi cooed. It was a small thing, but no one had ever held _his_ hand before and he couldn’t help but happy for his friend.

Tsukishima glared at him for interrupting, of course, before continuing on like nothing had happened. “Then I walked her back home and she said something about how I was afraid of dating, and then she kissed me.”

Tadashi tilted his head. “What, just like that? She thought you were scared so she kissed you?”

“She didn’t think I was scared _then_ ,” Tsukki sighed. “She said that she had a good time, so I shouldn’t be so worried about dating. But I’m _not_ worried about it, I’m the _opposite_ of worried, I’m apathetic. Which is what I was about to tell her before she interrupted me with her mouth.”

“Oh,” Tadashi grimaced. Tsukki hadn’t said a single solid positive thing about the date yet. Not usually a good sign. “Well, what about the kiss itself, how was it?”

Tsukishima’s lips pursed microscopically before he decided on his answer. “Bland.”

“Bland?” Tadashi repeated incredulously. “Come on Tsukki, use your big brain and give me some actual details, you need data for your kissing journal.”

“I told you, we are _not_ calling them that,” a subtle pretty pink color flushed across Tsukishima’s face.

“Okay. How about the ‘lip-locking diaries’ then? ‘Book of smooches’? ‘The Tried and True Methodology Behind Teenage Courtship Rituals: Tested by Well-Known Man of Mystery, Tsukishima Kei’?”

“Yamaguchi. Shut up.”

Tadashi laughed, “not until you tell me what you thought.”

Tsukishima sighed heavily. “It was surprising and that made it flattering, I guess. But I don’t think I like lipstick, it was waxy. I don’t know how girls wear it for hours at a time.” He paused, “and she was wearing a lot of perfume, it was… loud.”

 _Ouch._ Tsukki describing something as “loud” was _not_ a good thing. Tadashi immediately imagined Tsukishima pulling back from his very first kiss and scathingly saying to poor Furukawa-san, “ _good effort, but the volume of your perfume is atrocious.”_ It shouldn’t have been a funny image, but Tadashi couldn’t help suppressing a smile.

“What?” Tsukki narrowed his eyes.

“Nothing,” Tadashi shook his head, knowing better than trying to explain. “So, lipstick and perfume. You think it would have been better without those things?”

“It would have been better if I was interested in her,” Tsukishima countered.

 _Fair point_ , Tadashi conceded. “Even after the whole date, you weren’t even a little bit intrigued by her? I always thought she seemed like she’d be good for you – smart, obviously pretty, and observant.”

Tsukishima immediately scoffed and rolled her eyes, mumbling something under his breath and took a moment for Tadashi to register what he said.

“Ah, _too_ observant?” Tadashi raised an eyebrow.

With a shrug Tsukki mumbled something again before he spoke clearly. “But it’s like she wasn’t even good at it! She was always reading me, but then she’d get it wrong and that was somehow more annoying.”

Tadashi laughed. “Yeah you’d hate that.”

Flexing his eyebrows in agreement, Tsukishima continued, “like when she held my hand, I’m pretty sure I looked constipated because her hands reminded me of Kageyama – but then she wasn’t bothered at all and looked at me like I was _cute_ or something.”

“Her _hands_ reminded you of Kageyama? Wha – how, Tsukki?” Tadashi asked in baffled amazement.

He sighed, “they were so small and fragile, they’d be terrible for blocking and – “

“Ah, and you were mad that you were thinking about volleyball on your date. So, Kageyama. Got it.”

“Right,” Tsukki affirmed. “Being perceived as attractive while thinking about the King is _not_ something I want in a future partner.”

This time, Tadashi full-on belly laughed. “I’ll have to write that one down for the next time some girl asks me about your interests, oh man,” he had to suck in a breath to settle his giggles.

Tsukki shook his head, a faint and fond smirk barely visible in the crook of his mouth. It faded so quickly Tadashi wasn’t sure it had even been there at all, before Tsukki continued on, “she acted like I was some puzzle to solve, like – “

He was interrupted by his phone buzzing in his pocket.

“Tch,” Tsukishima rolled his eyes as he quickly read over the message, “see look at this.”

Tadashi reached out to grab the phone from Tsukki’s outstretched arm. The message was fairly long for a text. _Wow, Tsukki is such a fast reader_.

**Furukawa-san (Class 1-4):** Hi Tsukishima-kun! I just wanted to tell you that I really did have a good time tonight! Sorry if I rushed things a bit there at the end, you just seemed so nervous about the whole dating thing that I thought it’d be better if I took the lead so we both could have the full date experience. But afterwards I could see that your feelings for me hadn’t changed, and that’s okay! It helped me realize mine weren’t as strong as I thought either. No hard feelings, I’m glad you gave it a chance anyway! See you in class on Monday!

Tadashi cringed. This was bad. No wonder the date went badly. Sure, Furukawa-san was coming from a good place, and was trying to mindful of what she thought Tsukki’s feelings were. But for Tsukishima, Tadashi knew, the entire message would just read as if Furukawa was telling Tsukki how he felt – like she was assuming his feelings for him.

When Tadashi looked up to pass the phone back to his friend, he could already see Tsukishima struggling to restrain himself to argue back to her and explain how he wasn’t nervous at all. His desire to defend himself was clearly battling with his need to maintain a polite composure.

With a huff, Tsukki typed out something short and quick before he placed his phone face down on the desk.

 _Looks like politeness won,_ Tadashi assumed.

“Do you think girls are just stupid?”

“Tsukki! Mean!” Tadashi scolded, even though he knew his friend didn’t really mean it.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Tsukishima waved his hand absently.

Tadashi pulled his notebook out from where his bag was resting next to the bed. “Maybe we should get rid of, or at least separate the ‘relative stranger’ part of the ‘relative stranger/acquaintance’ category. We probably shouldn’t really be worried about dating or kissing people we aren’t attracted to or even slightly comfortable around.”

Eyes lowered, Tsukishima gave Tadashi a glare that very clearly said “ _yeah, you think?_ ” Lacing unspoken words with scathing sarcasm was one of Tsukki’s many talents that Tadashi didn’t think he’d ever stop being jealous of.

“Yeah, yeah I get it okay. But I still think it was a good first step! We learned some more stuff you don’t like – and besides, it’s not like anyone who actually knows either of us is lining up to jump our bones,” Tadashi explained with a shrug.

“’Jump our bones’?” Tsukishima raised his eyebrows, clearly unimpressed.

Tadashi rolled his eyes, ignoring him. “See, with snark like that, no one is ever going to want to come near you.”

“Hmm,” Tsukishima hummed lightly, like a faint memory had just piqued his interest. Then with a heavy sigh he spoke again. “There _might_ be someone who’d be willing actually. But it would be a knock to my pride.”

Tadashi sat up straight, eyes sharply tracking Tsukki’s gaze. “But it’s someone you’d actually consider?” His heart was racing more than he’d like to admit as he tried to squash down the jealousy that his friend already had another prospect while he still had none.

He shrugged noncommittally – the definitive Tsukki version of a “yes.” “Definitely not long term, but they’d be a perfect candidate for this whole one time experiment you’ve somehow dragged me into.”

“Tsukki,” Tadashi whined, “how do you just casually remember someone hot who’d be willing to kiss you, while I’m sitting over here getting ready to be a bachelor for life? At this rate all of our data is going to come from your experiences – and as happy as I am that you’re going along with it, you saying lipstick is waxy isn’t all that helpful for me.”

“Oh,” Tsukishima said like he was about to repeat the most mundane piece of information, “did I forget to mention that I overheard Tanaka-san say that he was planning a team sleepover next weekend? I believe Nishinoya-san threw the words ‘seven minutes in heaven’ around.”

Tadashi’s brow furrowed. “Why would those two want to play a kissing game with our all-male volleyball team?”

“The girls will be there too.”

“Ah, yep. Makes sense.” As the information about the party slowly sank in, Tadashi felt his heartrate spike again. How could he be so unbelievably nervous for something he thought he was excited about?

“Looks like you’ll finally get the chance to turn the charm on for Azumane-san,” Tsukishima teased Tadashi out of his panic.

“Agh,” he groaned, “that was just an _example_! I should have never said anything!”

“Oh,” Tsukki raised his eyebrows, “just _one_ example? Tell me Yamaguchi, how many of our other senpai have you been fantasizing about? I’ve got a feeling Nishinoya-san goes both ways – and while he might be a physical opposite of your beloved Azumane-san, he definitely seems like the type who’d be willing to give – “

“ _Stop it_ ,” Tadashi’s cheeks burned fire red as he threw his pillow at Tsukki’s face, knocking his glasses askew in the process.

Tsukishima fixed them, and quickly retaliated by whipping the pillow back across the room, his laughter rumbling through the room pleasantly.

It wasn’t until a few hours later when they were falling asleep that Tadashi began to wonder who Tsukishima’s mystery interested person was. He knew better than to ask yet – if it was important, Tsukki would tell him – he always did.

It wasn’t surprising that Tsukishima had picked up on another person who had some sort of crush on him – Tsukki was smart, cool, talented, and even though he was very private and particular, Tadashi knew he was extremely loyal. And yet, Tsukki didn’t want attention for any of those things.

 _That’s probably part of the charm,_ Tadashi admitted begrudgingly.

It made Tadashi endlessly curious. What was it like to have the easy confidence to know you’re desirable to someone else? And to be so unfazed by that fact? Tadashi hoped that maybe if he spent enough time around Tsukki, he could learn to feel that way about himself too.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I used one of my friend's surnames for Furukawa's name, and then I used Makoto as her given name because I know it's gender neutral and I wanted to make that dumb joke about Yamaguchi momentarily panicking that Tsukki had somehow ditched his date, gone to Shimada mart and kissed Yamaguchi's mentor instead. It then came to my attention like two days ago - after I had already edited this chapter and peppered her name throughout the fic, that Furukawa Makoto is the name of Kindaichi's voice actor lmaoo. So, just try to ignore that? I guess? lol I don't really want to go back and change every time she gets mentioned 😅
> 
> Next chapter should be up in a week or so, thanks again for reading!!


	3. The Wingspan of My Hands is Too Wide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanaka throws a party.

**The Kissing Journals**

**Chapter 3: The Wingspan of My Hands is Too Wide**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Tadashi debated for all of thirty seconds about whether or not he should take his kissing journal to the party with him. As nice as it would be to write down his thoughts immediately, the idea of toting around a highly embarrassing and incriminating list of people he’d consider kissing, was absolutely horrifying.

There was also the fact that there was no guarantee that he’d be kissing anyone at all. Bringing the book would give him a false sense of expectations. They might not play the game at all, or Tadashi could never get picked, or maybe Tanaka didn’t even own any bottles, rendering the game impossible in the first place.

 _No,_ Tadashi shook his head at the thought, _he lives with Saeko-san. They’ll have bottles._

As soon as he and Tsukki arrived, he knew he made the right choice. A cacophony of chaos was coming from one of the rooms down the hall – Tanaka and Nishinoya’s voices smashed together brashly, mixed in with the sound of Daichi’s rising frustration and Asahi’s quieter quivering and worry.

Tsukishima looked over at Tadashi pointedly as they shucked off their shoes and reluctantly headed down the hall. They were surely in for a long night.

Sliding open the door to what Tadashi presumed was Tanaka’s bedroom, the noise whooshed out at them like a gust of wind. Now that they were closer, they could also hear Hinata’s laughter bubbling through as everyone was huddled around what looked like a failed attempt at chicken fights – Nishinoya on Tanaka’s shoulders, with Daichi on Asahi’s. Except now, no one was on anyone’s shoulders, and they just looked like a mass of tangled limbs on the floor.

Kageyama and Ennoshita appeared to be refereeing, while Sugawara, Narita and Kinoshita were joined in with Hinata’s whooping. Tsukishima rolled his eyes, while Tadashi just grinned. It looked like fun.

Hinata was the first to notice their arrival, saying a quick hello, which was then followed by the others. The fallen battle heroes righted themselves – Daichi and Asahi looking mildly shame-faced by their participation in the shenanigans.

“Ryuu, when do the girls get here? I’m hungry and eating without Kiyoko-san would be rude!” Nishinoya’s tone was as boisterous as ever, despite how hard he was panting.

“The rudest,” Tanaka agreed with a single nod. “Nee-san texted a minute ago that she’d just picked up Yacchan and they should be here soon.”

Not a minute later, Saeko’s voice rang loudly through the house, announcing their arrival.

“Food!” Hinata jumped up from where he was sat and immediately ran out of the room, the others following suit with varying degrees of fondness on their faces.

* * *

From the handful of overnight camps that the team had spent together, Tadashi thought he had an idea of how the night would go. He knew a lot of his teammates could be the “bouncing off the walls” type, but at camps they always showered, brushed their teeth, and went to bed at a reasonable time.

Apparently, that all went out the window when there weren’t any practice matches the next day. The boys had settled down some once Yachi and Shimizu were there, but generally, things were anarchy.

People were shouting out activities to do as a group, but rarely did everyone agree. So, they’d split into smaller groups for a little while, before coming back together to join in on some variation of Hinata and Kageyama’s arguing about who the coolest professional players were.

Saeko left a little while after they finished their meal – she had a hot date, according to Tanaka. And that’s when Tadashi found himself back in Tanaka’s small bedroom, squashed shoulder-to-shoulder between the entire team as they surrounded the low table in the middle of the room. And the center-piece of said table? A single, empty glass bottle.

He wasn’t even sure how Tanaka and Nishinoya – or the “ _Idiot Brigade: Senpai Edition,_ ” as Tsukki had been calling them all night – had managed to get everyone to agree to the same activity, let alone _this_ activity. But here they were, all sitting a little too close for comfort, with the unspoken concept of kissing hanging in the air above them.

Tadashi gulped. Something about being wedged in between Sugawara and Tsukishima, shared body heat radiating off the three of them, made the entire thing more intense.

Everyone just stared at the table before Daichi cleared his throat. “As the captain, I guess I should go first. After that, we’ll pick names from a hat to determine who spins, yeah?”

There was a unison of nods and a nervous squeak from Yachi, then he leaned forward, placed the bottle down on its side, and spun.

It swiveled in a neat circle, before slowing and straightening out to point across the table from where Tadashi was sat.

“Daichi-san,” Nishinoya stood up with purposeful formality. “It would be my honor to accompany you to the closet.”

“This should be interesting,” Daichi said with a light sigh and rose up as well. “But if you pull anything, I _will_ make you do extra drills.”

Nishinoya’s jaw dropped in mock offense, “I would _never_. You’re in safe hands.”

And just like that, they both left the room to the linen closet down the hall.

“How are they so casual about this?” Tadashi nervously whispered in Tsukki’s ear.

Tsukishima tilted his head down slightly to respond. “I get the feeling they’ve all done this before,” his voice managed to somehow sound both bored and slightly disturbed.

“Oh,” Tadashi breathed. Something about that made him even more nervous.

“Now what?” Hinata whined while Ennoshita set up a timer for Daichi and Nishinoya. “We just wait here for seven minutes? That’s no fun!”

“We usually use my closet in here at the same time so we can have two groups going at once,” Tanaka replied easily. “And then there’s the added fun of the possibility that we can _every_ little thing you get up to in there.”

Tsukki gave Tadashi’s shoulder a little nudge to point out that he was right, and Tadashi had to resist the urge to shudder from the spike in anxiousness. The idea of his entire team hearing him fumble his way through his first kiss was… not ideal. He prayed to all the gods of privacy and party games that he got picked for the hallway closet.

He zoned out through Tsukishima teasing Kageyama for having a number randomizing app on his phone for practicing volleyball sets. Hinata had suggested it for picking names of people to spin or something, but Tadashi was focusing too hard on seeming like he was cool and confident to hear the finer details.

Another nudge to his right shoulder brought him back to attention, and he looked up to see Asahi tentatively reaching out for the bottle. _Wow,_ Tadashi thought with some relief, _he looks even more nervous than I am._

Closing his eyes as if it would bite him, Asahi gave the bottle a quick flick, causing it to spin in a kind of lazy spiral. As it slowed, Tadashi could see its trajectory laid out in front of him. He tensed. It was going to land on him, _it’s going to land on me._

But it spun just an inch further. It took a moment for Tadashi to register that the shoulders on his left – _Suga-san’s shoulders. Right._ – were rising.

“Looks like you’ve got some competition for your man,” Tsukki’s familiar amused lilt hushed in Tadashi’s ear.

“Tsuk _ki_ ,” Tadashi gritted back as quietly as possible. But between the cool air from Sugawara’s absence, and the casual normalcy of Tsukishima’s teasing, he felt a bit better.

Asahi was seemingly resigned to his fate, head hung in either embarrassment or further nervousness, while Suga managed a grin that was both fond and mischievous. With a meek smile Asahi sidled in to the bedroom closet before Suga flashed a wink to everyone else and slid the door closed.

“Will Azumane-san be alright?” Yachi timidly whispered to Shimizu where they both sat across the table to Tadashi’s right.

Shimizu gave a quiet but firm nod before Tanaka answered. “It’ll be fine, Suga-san talks a big game, but mostly he’s just into the psychological warfare,” he waved his hand disarmingly.

The brief relief that painted Yachi’s face was quickly replaced with worry again when Asahi’s normally deep voice let out a high-pitched yelp from behind the closet doors.

“ _Suga_ ,” he sounded like he was pouting, “you know I’m ticklish.” The last of his words were muffled by the barrier that separated them from the rest of the group, like he was trying to downplay his ticklishness to the rest of the team. But the table erupted with laughter nonetheless, and Tadashi was once again left praying for the hallway closet should his time come.

Just as Hinata began to ask about the time for Daichi and Nishinoya, the pair reentered the room – the captain looking quite smug while Nishinoya was avoiding eye contact with everyone. It was a highly unusual expression for the libero, and Tadashi noticed that even Tsukki’s eyebrows were raised in curiosity.

“Okay, what happened?” Ennoshita asked what everyone was thinking.

“Daichi-san is too strong!” Nishinoya gave as a non-answer before retaking his spot a few places to Tadashi’s left.

“Well of course he is! He’s the captain!” Hinata added in enthusiastically, and Tadashi could _feel_ the eyeroll radiating off of Tsukki.

Daichi nodded with a laugh to Hinata then addressed everyone else. “As soon as we got in, I lifted him up by the shoulders and hung him from his shirt collar on one of the coat hooks. He couldn’t get down on his own, so he just dangled there until time ran out,” his smirk widened and he crossed his arms with pride.

There was a pause while everyone took Nishinoya’s lack of denial as confirmation, and then the whole room was howling with laughter again. Tsukishima’s upper arm bumped against Tadashi’s as he chuckled, one hand covertly covering his mouth in a familiar pose. Even Asahi and Suga’s slightly distanced snorts could be heard shaking with the rest of the room.

“Yeah, yeah really funny, it’s only because he knows he can’t take me in a fair fight,” Nishinoya attempted to quiet everyone down. “Come on, who’s next?”

It took a moment for the giggles to dissipate – a few of the team members wiping their eyes in the process, before Kageyama pressed something on his phone and read “Yachi Hitoka,” from his name randomizer.

“ _Eep_ ,” Yachi shivered straight up like she had been shot with a mild dose of electricity.

Nerves and apprehension sizzled around them again as Shimizu leaned in to whisper something in Yachi’s ear, and Hinata immediately spoke up as well. “Yeah Yacchan, you don’t have to if you don’t want to!”

“I-uh,” she swallowed with a look of resolution, “I’ll play.” Her face was screwed up adorably in determination, but her fingers still shook slightly as the wrapped around and spun the bottle.

Tsukishima stiffened a fraction as the bottle’s slowing speed became apparent – its destination looking to be right in front of him. Tadashi risked a glance up from its spin to see Yachi’s eyes darting down to the table, and back up to flit rapidly between himself and Tsukki. And then her eyes stopped, staring wide and expressionless at Tadashi.

A tall shoulder pushed at his and he realized the bottle had stopped spinning.

Oh. It had landed on him.

Right. _What am I supposed to do again?_ It was like all brain and motor functions had ceased to function entirely. The nervousness from earlier was gone, but it had been replaced with a big empty space of stupidity. Was time moving slowly, or way too fast? He couldn’t tell.

The tall shoulder brushed his again. _Tsukki’s shoulder_ , his brain supplied. “Standing up would probably be a good first step.” _Tsukki’s voice. Good._

And then, he willed his knees to connect to his calves and push himself up. He looked across to see that Yachi was standing now too, and determinedly _not_ looking at him, her fingers twisting in the hem of her shirt.

 _She’s nervous too_ , he thought dumbly. And then brain function came swooping back in at lightning speed. What was it that Yachi had told him once before? Something about how seeing someone else being nervous helps make you less nervous? Or had Suga said that about the two of them? He couldn’t remember, but whoever said it was right. Apparently, they were in this together, and that brought on a new kind of jitters.

Shimizu gave Yachi a soft shove, and when she finally met Tadashi’s gaze, he gave the most reassuring smile he could muster, before motioning behind himself so they could walk out together. Just before he slid the door closed, he turned back to see Tsukishima raise his eyebrows at him pointedly.

When they reached the hallway linen closet, Tadashi opened the door for her and couldn’t tell if he felt chivalrous or douchey. Or both.

Yachi let another small squeak as he closed the door behind themselves, and they were covered in lukewarm darkness. He could just make out the crown of her head a good few inches below his chin. _Wow, she really is short this close up._

“S-sorry Yamaguchi-kun,” when Yachi’s hands wrung together they lightly brushed at the hem of his shirt. “I’m sort of nervous.”

 _Oh, right!_ He realized in relief, _that was what Yacchan said about nerves! She feels better when she acknowledges it out loud!_ “Ah, it’s okay. I’m uh, I’m nervous too,” he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. “What are you nervous about?”

He really hoped that wasn’t an extremely dumb question considering the current situation.

“Oh my gosh Yamaguchi, _everything!_ ” She looked up at him, the low light catching softly on her wide eyes. “We’re in Tanaka-san’s _house_ , and he is like the _leader_ of Shimizu-san’s fan club – even though they all say it’s Nishinoya-san, I just don’t think that’s true – and anyway, what if her fans set up security cameras in all of the closets and they’re set up with laser pointers to kill us if we don’t impress them enough with our _kissing_ skills!” She whispered “kissing” like it was some sort of secret code word that she wasn’t supposed to share.

Her gaze now was so firm and earnest that for a split second, everything she just blurted sounded completely logical, and Yamaguchi felt himself twitch to look at the room corners for camera lenses. But just as quickly, he shook himself out of it.

“Yacchan,” he put his hands on her shoulders in a way he hoped was reassuring. “Even if all that stuff about Shimizu having a fan club was true, no way would Tanaka or Nishinoya want to kill anyone over it. If anything, they’d be thrilled to have new members, regardless of their uh, _skills_.”

She stared back up at him a second longer, before letting out a long sigh. “You’re right, sorry, I got carried away again. I feel better after talking about it, thanks.”

 _That makes one of us_ , he thought, hoping she couldn’t feel his heartbeat pulsing through his palms and into her shoulders.

“Why were you nervous then, Yamaguchi-kun?”

“O-oh, um,” he pulled his hands back to his sides. “Just you know, the whole uh, thing. I’ve never uh… this would be first uh – well only if you wanted to anyway! We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

She nodded, apparently perfectly understanding his garbled mess of an attempt at communication. “It would be my first kiss too,” her voice was small, fingers still twirling together absently, but less frantically than before.

“R-right.” His cheeks felt warm, and the semblance of calm he had felt when reassuring Yachi of her own nerves was beginning to ebb away again.

“I um, would be okay with it if you are… you know, as friends…” her gaze flitted away as she chewed her lip lightly.

“U-um, yeah me too,” he let out a nervous laugh and she turned back to look at him again.

For a few seconds, they both just stared at each other. Then Tadashi realized, he should probably _lean_ or something.

Hunching his shoulders, he bent just enough for her to shyly rise up on her toes and meet him halfway. Time was thick and slow as they inched closer to each other, but the moment her lips caught his, his brain kicked into overdrive.

 _Soft. Her lips are soft. Are mine soft like that to her? Not waxy like Tsukki said – more like glossy._ They both wobbled in place ever so slightly, trying to adjust to the height difference. _Hands, hands! I should be doing something with my hands to steady her – don’t the guys in movies usually do something with their hands!? I must look so stupid with my arms hanging by my sides like limp noodles._

His palms floated just above her hips momentarily. _But her torso is so short! If I put my hands on her waist then my thumbs will be right underneath her boo – NO, nope, friends don’t think about the possibility of feeling up their friends during a friend-only kiss. Absolutely no thinking about whether or not she’d let you, or if they’re soft too, or – nope!_ He scrunched his eyes together even tighter, willing his thoughts to shut up.

 _Shoulders! Shoulders are friend territory, right?_ He raised his arms again, this time letting them rest feather light on the tops of her shoulders. But as soon as they made contact, Yachi let out a closed mouthed squeak of surprise, and they both pulled back.

His mind had been running so fast he felt like they’d been connected for at least five minutes, but as the haze of nerves began to clear, he realized the whole thing must have been less than ten seconds. It hadn’t been anything more than a slightly lingering kiss – not all that different physically than a kiss from an overly enthusiastic auntie.

They both chuckled nervously.

“I, uh, sorry,” Tadashi started habitually.

“Why?” Yachi quirked her head, her eyes still shifting somewhat nervously.

“Oh, for touching your shoulders? It seemed like I surprised you.”

She shook her head, “I can just be kind of jumpy.” She paused. “I’m glad it was you Yamaguchi-kun.”

“O-oh? Really?” He stuttered.

“Mhm,” she nodded, her usual ease coming back now. “People say first kisses can be awkward, and it kind of was a bit,” they both smiled, “but you’re kind, I trust you, and you were just as nervous as I was. I think I’ll be happy to look back on this as my first kiss for the rest of my life.”

He could just barely make out her genuine smile in the low light, and it filled his chest with warmth. “Yeah me too, Yacchan.”

There was a light rapping on the closet door, and this time they both let out surprised squeaks. Laughing it off easily, Tadashi opened the door to see Tsukishima standing there with a bored expression.

“They sent you to fetch us, Tsukki?”

“I don’t fetch,” he deadpanned.

“Of course not,” Tadashi nodded.

“But yeah, I’m here to tell you time’s up or whatever,” he shrugged.

“Are you just trying to get out of spinning, Tsukishima-kun?” Yachi teased.

“Tch,” Tsukki grunted, but it was obvious to the other two that there was no malice in it.

Tsukishima started down the hallway, Tadashi and Yachi catching up immediately after. Tadashi glanced up to see Tsukki shoot him a look – eyebrows raised and forehead tilted down, clearly asking “ _so?_ ”

Tadashi bit his lip, thinking of how nervous he was, how his mind wouldn’t _calm down_ , but then the light airy feeling he felt when Yachi told him he was someone who was worthy of being kissed. He beamed back up at Tsukishima.

Tsukki quirked his eyebrow in mild surprise before giving a one shouldered shrug of approval. Tadashi had been half-expecting Tsukishima to tease him about his nervousness, or about finally having an entry for the kissing journals or something, but he was probably too aware of Yachi’s presence. Either way, Tadashi was relieved.

That is, until the slid open the door to Tanaka’s room to a chorus of whoops and relatively tame – but still entirely cringey – catcalls. Embarrassment roared to his cheeks as he shared a small smile with Yachi, whose expression matched his own.

She retook her spot next to Shimizu, and Tadashi and Tsukishima sank back down into their previous places together.

* * *

The game went on for a few more rounds until interest began to dwindle when it became clear most of the pairs were just using the alone time to pull some sort of prank on the other. Except for Daichi and Sugawara, who Tsukishima pointed out looked a little pink when they returned from the hallway closet. Tadashi spent the rest of the game trying not to catch the covert glances the pair were sending each other.

Eventually, they moved into the living room where Tanaka put on an overly cheesy romantic comedy. Surprisingly, no one objected or made fun of his movie choice; but more than half the team was asleep before it was over.

Saeko returned from her date just a little before midnight, and ushered Shimizu and a very sleepy Yachi to stay in her room for the night.

As the credits of the movie began to roll, and Tadashi propped himself up higher against the wall his futon was pressed against to see that the rest of the boys had now fallen asleep, all of them draped haphazardly over the couch or their own futons – Hinata was curled into a tiny ball on one of the armchairs. Kageyama and Nishinoya’s snores were clashing with the upbeat pop song that drummed from the television.

“I’m surprised you’re still up,” Tsukishima said from where he was laying on the futon next to Tadashi’s. He had rolled to face away from the movie some time ago.

“The movie was sweet,” he yawned. “ _I’m_ surprised that you didn’t give Tanaka shit for picking it,” Tadashi scooched down under his covers and turned to face him.

Tsukki shrugged. “His affinity for ‘marriage as a happy ending’ is hardly a surprise at this point,” he took off his glasses and folded them in the small space between their pillows. “I didn’t want to swing for the low hanging fruit. You can only call a guy out for being a romantic sap so many times.”

“How noble of you Tsukki.”

“Mm,” he hummed. “What about you, not too romanced out from earlier to enjoy the movie?”

“O-oh,” Tadashi felt his cheekbones prickle lightly. “Well I don’t know if you could really classify it as romantic.” He made sure to drop his voice to a whisper.

“Oh, really?” Tsukki replied plainly, unconsciously matching his volume to Tadashi’s. “You had that shit-eating grin on earlier so I just assumed.”

“I was just so happy I got through it in one piece. Hopefully now that I know what it’s like, I won’t have to be so nervous anymore.”

Tsukki nodded. “So, it was good then.”

“Well, it definitely wasn’t bad,” Tadashi nodded back and paused for a moment to gauge whether or not Tsukki was in the mood to hear more or not. “It was nice, and not waxy feeling at all, like you said yours was.”

“Well I don’t think Yachi-san usually wears lipstick.”

“Right,” Tadashi agreed. “I’m glad it was with her though, as soon as she mentioned us just being friends, it made it a lot easier – way less pressure. And plus, things don’t seem to be awkward with us now either, which is great!”

The scrolling light from the TV flashed over Tsukki’s features enough for Tadashi to see him slightly pinch his eyebrows in thought. “You’re not upset that she isn’t interested in you romantically? I sort of assumed you liked her that way.”

“Well,” Tadashi sighed into a laugh. _Of course, Tsukki picked up on that even though I’d never mentioned it._ “I sort of thought I might like her that way too. I’ve thought she was cute since the first time I saw her, and she’s easy to talk to and everything. But when we were all walking back to the room together, I realized that I liked the idea of her _wanting_ to kiss me more than I enjoyed the actual kiss itself. Which is probably not how people feel right after they kiss the person they like.”

“What _do_ people think right after they kiss someone they actually like?” Tsukishima asked with such rhetorical wonderment and confusion that Tadashi couldn’t help but laugh into the back of his hand.

“Probably ‘wow I can’t wait to do that again,’ or something like that,” he shrugged, a smile still playing on his lips.

“Mm,” Tsukki hummed in apparent agreement. After a moment he turned onto his back to face the ceiling, his hands folding together across his stomach.

“Hey, Tsukki?” Tadashi whispered again, this time a little quieter.

Tsukishima grunted to confirm his consciousness.

“When you kissed Furukawa-san, what did you do with your hands?”

Turning only his head back to meet Tadashi’s eyeline, he quirked a single eyebrow at him. “My hands?”

“Yeah, like where did you put them?”

“Uh, nowhere.”

“Oh.” Tadashi was somewhat surprised. Tsukki was so cool that Tadashi just sort of assumed he would look like the romantic hero of every love story, his hands strong and steadily placed on the other person’s waist, or lower back, or anywhere really. “Why not?”

“Didn’t think about it.”

“You didn’t want to touch her at all?”

Tsukishima huffed out an exasperated sigh and turned back on his side to fully face Tadashi again. “I guess not. Why are you asking?”

“W-well,” Tadashi continued, ignoring Tsukki’s typical annoyance with ease. “I was going to put my hands on Yacchan’s waist to like help keep her in place, but she’s so _tiny_ you know. No matter where I would have put them, the wingspan of my fingers would have been too big and I probably would have accidentally ended up touching her chest – and then I couldn’t stop thinking about that for a while, and well I figured you would have had a similar problem and I was going to ask you for advice, but I guess not.”

It was quiet for a moment while Tsukishima apparently took in Tadashi’s words. “Your hand is really the size of her waist?”

Tadashi sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, bigger probably. Look.” He held his hand out in front of himself, palm facing directly toward Tsukishima.

Tsukki matched his position exactly, making sure their wrists were aligned to better compare. His skin was surprisingly cold, and Tadashi pressed against his palm a fraction harder unconsciously to help warm him up.

After touching for just a few seconds Tadashi realized it was no wonder Tsukishima always came back from practices with Akiteru with tape all over his hands; his fingers were long, but slender – they felt almost fragile pressed against Tadashi’s own.

Tadashi’s hands were significantly bigger now than they were when they were kids – previously his only met Tsukki’s fingers at a little past halfway. They hadn’t compared their hand sizes like this since they were in middle school when Tsukki had finally learned how to palm a volleyball. Now, while his fingers were definitely still a fraction shorter than Tsukishima’s, his entire palm was definitely wider. His fingers all knobby knuckles against Tsukishima’s thin and precise lines.

“Look,” he repeated, opening up his hand more to emphasize the distance between his thumb and his pinky, “if I had put my hand on her like this, even if my pinky was safely on her waist, my thumb would have been dangerously high.”

“Wow. She really is small.” Tadashi nodded to him in agreement. “But you know, you could have just _not_ widened your big meaty hands, and kept them like this and avoided the whole issue.” Tsukishima pinched all his fingers back together so they were flush against each other, his whole hand taking up significantly less space against Tadashi’s still splayed fingers.

“Well excuse me for trying to be aware of my friend’s boundaries,” Tadashi pushed Tsukki’s hand away lightly, before turning onto his back. “And my hands are _not_ meaty.”

Tsukishima shifted off of his side as well. “You asked my advice, and I gave it.” Tadashi could hear the sly smile in Tsukki’s voice.

They drifted into a comfortable silence before Tadashi mumbled a goodnight and turned on to his other side. He fell asleep absently wondering if Tsukishima really hadn’t thought to touch Furukawa-san at all, and if he could ask him more about it without prying too much.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for reading, I hope you liked it! This chapter was a lot of fun for me to write - I love when the whole team is together in a more casual environment :)


	4. Experiments in Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karasuno goes to a weekend training camp in Tokyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're hanging out entirely in Tsukishima's point of view this week! I really enjoy writing for him and I'm a sucker for the training camp setting, which is probably why this chapter ended up almost twice as long as most of the others, *shrugs* oops.
> 
> Hope you like it! :)

**The Kissing Journals**

**Chapter 4: Experiments in Perspective**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Thinking back on it, telling Yamaguchi that the someone who Kei thought would _possibly_ be interested in being his next journal entry, was going to be present at their next Tokyo training camp, was probably a mistake. Actually, in hindsight, he should have just not agreed to the whole experiment in the first place. Kei was starting to have to confront the fact that he might actually be _learning_ things about himself through this ridiculous plan. That, and the fact that his blocking skills seemed to be getting better with practice were both highly unnerving. Such rapid improvements to both his mental and physical state had to be a defiance against human evolution somehow.

But now that the final training camp before qualifiers was here, he had less time to focus on his new inclination for self-reflection, and instead had to concentrate all his energy on shushing Yamaguchi every time he whispered a new guess at who the mystery person was.

“Is it… Akaashi-san?” Yamaguchi’s voice was as peppy as the little bouncy movements he was making in his seat.

Kei had long since given up on zoning out and listening to music and instead spent his efforts trying to keep his voice at a low level so the rest of the team didn’t overhear them in the small space of the bus. “No,” he said for what he was sure was the hundredth time.

“Really?” Yamaguchi was practically pouting now. “But I’ve narrowed it down now to one of the guys you do extra practice with, and I can’t imagine you even tolerating any of the rest of them for more than an hour, let alone be interested in them! Like, if you told me you wanted to kiss Lev, I’m pretty sure I would die instantaneously of shock.”

Kei scrunched his nose at the thought of going anywhere near someone as energetic as Haiba Lev in a romantic fashion. “I never said _I_ was interested in _them_.”

Yamaguchi blinked once and seemed to search his memory.

“I said that _they_ might be interested in _me_ ,” Kei continued with a sigh.

“I remember,” Yamaguchi nodded. “But even so, you wouldn’t have told me about the possibility at all if it wasn’t someone that you would at least consider. So, you must at least find them vaguely appealing.”

He said it with so much confidence that it took Kei off guard. Yamaguchi could read him look a book sometimes. It was embarrassing.

He merely shrugged in response.

Yamaguchi nodded again. “See. That’s Tsukki speak for ‘yes.’”

“Will you please stop psychoanalyzing me,” Kei retorted, biting back a smile that he didn’t quite understand.

“You’re acting like you’re hard to read or something,” Yamaguchi laughed. “Like, I’m sure I could pay you a million yen and you still wouldn’t make out with… Hinata, for example.” Kei recoiled into his seat at the thought, while Yamaguchi continued. “Meaning that whoever it actually is must be someone cool.”

Kei’s wasn’t sure if he was more disturbed by Yamaguchi saying he was easy to read, or the fact that his reading was correct.

Well, “cool” isn’t exactly how he would describe Kuroo Tetsuro. Simply “not unappealing” would be more accurate – if he had to describe him in that fashion at all. Which, he didn’t plan on doing.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Mm, okay Tsukki,” Yamaguchi shrugged again, “but you know I’m going to find out who it is eventually.”

Kei grumbled as he slipped his headphones back over his ears and let his music drain out everything else.

* * *

_Ah, right,_ Kei took a glance around the landscape of Shinzen High School as he and Yamaguchi stepped off the bus, _the school with the big fucking hill. Great._

“Hey, hey, _hey!_ ” A familiar voice that always filled Kei’s ribs with a small sense of dread cut through the chatter of his own teammates. “Tsukki, you’re gonna join us for block practice tonight, yeah yeah?”

“Yes, if you’ll have me,” Kei sighed as politely as possible while Bokuto forcefully threw his arm around Kei’s shoulders.

“Woohoo!” Bokuto’s voice ricocheted through Kei’s eardrums before the older boy whipped his head in the other direction. “Akaashi! Tsukki’s agreed to practice with us again!”

Akaashi gave a small, sympathetic wave in Kei’s direction. Kei nodded back in understanding. Then just as quickly as he had latched on, Bokuto was bounding off back toward his own team.

Yamaguchi seemed to be suppressing laughter as he watched Kei straighten out his jacket. “So, not Bokuto-san, then?” he asked as they both slung their duffel bags over their shoulders and started toward the school.

“Definitely not Bokuto-san,” Kei confirmed with a nod. He could feel Yamaguchi eyeing him suspiciously as his guessing options were quickly dwindling. He knew he’d have to tell Yamaguchi eventually, and he wasn’t entirely sure why he hadn’t already. _It is pretty entertaining to see him get all worked up about trying to figure it out,_ he supposed.

“Mm, probably for the best anyway,” Yamaguchi hummed. “He and Akaashi-san are basically together aren’t they?”

“Pretty sure it just seems that way from the outside,” Kei shrugged.

“Ah, really?” Yamaguchi looked up at him in genuine surprise, “but they’re both _constantly_ complimenting each other, and saying each other’s names and stuff. It seems so obvious!”

Kei supposed it did seem obvious. He had thought similarly the first time he met the pair, but after practicing with them more than a few times it became clear that any probable romantic feelings between the two were buried so deep in their genuine respect for each other’s athleticism and volleyball skills, that it could be forever before they figured it out. And he told Yamaguchi as much. “They both can be pretty dense in their own ways.”

Yamaguchi quirked his brow, and Kei winced slightly.

“Don’t tell Akaashi-san I said that.”

Yamaguchi chuckled. “Of course not, Tsukki.”

* * *

Kei clasped and unclasped his hands together in front of him, rubbing the pads of his fingers against one another, while he stood in the box with the rest of the B team for their current match against Ubugawa. Coach had decided to change the players around for the whole first day they were here so that they could get used to everyone’s playstyle. Meaning that Kei had yet to play in this match, and was just watching while Kageyama learned how to better sync up with Kinoshita.

He was trying to watch Narita’s blocking style to see if he could learn any new techniques, but the Nekoma and Fukurodani match a court over was distractingly – and unsurprisingly – noisy. As the volume of their play repeatedly stole his attention, Kei tried to figure out how exactly he was supposed to get a boy to kiss him while also making it clear he wasn’t interested in a relationship.

It had seemed so much easier with Furukawa-san. Whether that was because she was a girl, or because she had already confessed to him, Kei wasn’t sure.

_Both_ , he figured was the most likely answer.

Another cry of melodramatic anguish from the adjacent court caught Kei’s attention, and he looked over just in time to see Kuroo come down from singlehandedly blocking a now dejected Bokuto. Instead of laughing at his friend as he usually did though, Kuroo’s gaze shot through the net and across the court to lock onto Kei’s. And with that stupidly smug smirk of his, Kuroo winked at him.

“Tch,” that kind of brazen behavior was what made Kei think Kuroo was interested in the first place.

As he turned his attention back to his own court, he could feel Yamaguchi’s eyes burning a hole into his side. _He knows I’m nervous. Fuck._

Kei’s brow furrowed with a troubling realization.

_Wait._ Am _I nervous?_ Nerves were a feeling that came from actually caring about the outcome of what you were planning to do. And since Kei made a point to not be bothered about the outcomes of situations he couldn’t control, it meant he could generally avoid nervousness all together.

But if he was nervous now, did that mean he was hoping for a specific outcome? He hadn’t thought about that before. He had agreed to this experiment at Yamaguchi’s request, thinking he himself was only mildly interested in the results. It seemed perfectly obvious to him that if Yamaguchi was even considering kissing guys in addition to girls, then he was clearly attracted to both. Kei would never admit it out loud, but he had really agreed to go along with the ride so that Yamaguchi would feel less insecure about the whole thing.

_So then… what am I hoping for?_ Kei thought about how quickly Kuroo had come to his mind when Yamaguchi had asked him if he had options. Kuroo was constantly trying to rile him up, and while Kei didn’t find it to be anything more than vaguely irritating, he could recognize that it was typical behavior for someone who was interested. The idea of actually _dating_ Kuroo didn’t sound appealing in any sort of way. He was a friend, a mentor, and a rival of sorts. That was it. _But…_

The feeling that had been bothering Kei finally materialized into conscious thought. _What if I like it?_

He remembered Yamaguchi’s questions after spin the bottle at the party a few weeks ago. He had asked Kei why he hadn’t thought to put his hands on Furukawa-san’s waist. The idea hadn’t occurred to him even in the slightest. Vaguely, he had recognized that probably meant something. But he had just written it off; forgotten about it.

But now, more of Yamaguchi’s words filtered back to him, “ _because current evidence would suggest that you aren’t really interested in girls at all_.”

Kei sighed. Because he had never really seen any merit in dating in high school, he had never thought about his own sexuality. It was something to be dealt with later. That in itself should have been a sign, he realized now. But at least it explained the nerves.

He was curious.

Finally coming out of his thoughts, he glanced over to confirm that Yamaguchi was indeed still looking at him with mild concern. His mouth was parted in that way it did when he wanted to ask a question that was probably more personal than Kei would like. And if they weren’t surrounded by half of their volleyball team, Yamaguchi probably would have voiced whatever the concern was. But he knew him well enough not to, and instead offered a half smile.

Kei responded with an eyeroll and an almost-smile of his own.

* * *

The hairs that ran right along the edge of the strap of his sports glasses were slightly more damp with sweat than the rest. He’d only gotten the glasses from Akiteru about a week ago now, but the feeling was already becoming familiar as Kei habitually threaded his fingers together behind his head during Lev’s serve.

The ball went over the net with ease, and all idle thoughts left Kei’s mind. _Back left corner. Hinata’s there for a sloppy receive. Akaashi will be able to get it no problem. Hinata’s already recovering – will Akaashi set it back to him?_ Kei glanced quickly to the left before immediately tracking the ball again. _No. Bokuto is looking antsy and Akaashi would have decided before the ball even left Hinata’s arms. Time delay attack from the right._

Without a moment of hesitation, he took two long strides, focused his weight on the balls of his feet and jumped straight up. It wasn’t until he was in the air that he had enough pause to sense that Kuroo must have watched the ball with the same thought process as he had. His body had moved in parallel to his own, their two pairs of arms now looming menacingly over the net, with their fingers strongly splayed out to maximize the space they took up. Yamaguchi’s use of the word “ _wingspan_ ” to describe his hands flitted in and out of his mind.

The ball made a satisfying smacking sound on the floorboards of the other side of the court. Stuffed.

“Aaauuuugh!” Bokuto collapsed to the floor, and stared at his hands desparingly.

“If I had ten yen for every time I’ve heard that awful noise, I’d probably be the richest man in Japan by now,” Kei deadpanned.

Kuroo laughed next to him with a mischievous grin. “Imagine how rich Akaashi must be then – hey Akaashi, we know your eardrums must be suffering, but care to share the wealth?” He called across the net.

“Hey!” Bokuto interjected before Akaashi could respond, bouncing back up to his feet. “It’s not my fault Tsukki’s brain is some kind of magic sponge that has actually gotten better with Kuroo’s advice! It’s like spiking against two Kuroos!” He turned back to pout at Akaashi, looking for some sort of reassurance.

“Bokuto-san, if you didn’t want to spike against Tsukishima-san, then you shouldn’t have invited him to practice with us,” Akaashi explained patiently.

“Well, there’d be no fun in that!” Bokuto practically whined.

“You hear that, Tsukki?” Kuroo slapped his hand between Kei’s shoulder blades, “looks like some of my amazing skills and charm have finally rubbed off on you.” He had the audacity to wink again, and Kei had to swallow down his predisposition to diffuse the situation back to normalcy.

If he was going to try to confirm Kuroo’s intentions, Kei was going to have to flirt. Well. His version of flirting – he adamantly refused to wink back. “I don’t believe anyone said anything about charm, Kuroo-san,” he replied in his usual plain, unaffected tone.

It wasn’t _exactly_ flirting. But Kei wasn’t ignoring the bait either, and he took that to be a step in the right direction.

“Ah, observant as always Tsukki.” His hand still hadn’t left the space between Kei’s shoulders. “Well, I’m sure I could give you some lessons in that too sometime if you want.”

Kei couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows in surprise, and Bokuto let out a low whistle. _Well. That was more direct that I was expecting._

“Yeah, Kuroo-san! Teach Stingyshima to be nicer!”

_And of course, Hinata is confused._ But, the orange-energizer-bunny’s lack of tact did get rid of any tension that had begun to sneak in. Kei rolled his eyes, and Kuroo’s hand dropped back down to his side.

They all moved to get ready for the next rally when one of the Fukurodani managers popped her head in – the one with the freckles that Kei saw talking to Yamaguchi occasionally.

“Cafeteria’s closing in about an hour, guys! Probably want to clean up soon if you want to eat dinner tonight!” She said cheerfully before she headed off to what Kei assumed was another practice gym full of other volleyball crazed idiots.

He sighed as he tried to ignore that he had just included himself among those volleyball idiots.

“Food!” Hinata, Lev, and Bokuto all exclaimed at the same time. How they were still both excited and surprised to be reminded of dinner, when this was the exact same routine that happened every night at all the training camps, was beyond Kei.

“Oi!” Kuroo’s voice stopped the hungry trio in their tracks, “sweep the floors first, _then_ go eat dinner!”

“Yes, sir!” They chanted again in unison before pivoting around and sprinting off to the storage room.

The food-crazed energy freaks finished sweeping up the excess sweat from the floors far faster than Kei thought humanly possible, and they were out the door before he had finished taking down his side of the net. Kuroo was over by the other pin, trying to look nonchalant while he spoke to Akaashi about something.

A moment later, Akaashi gave a slight bow and said goodnight to them both before following after the other three. The gym was now empty and oddly quiet with just Kuroo and himself studiously taking down the net from each side.

_Real subtle, Kuroo-san._ Kei had to bite his tongue to keep from actually expressing the thought out loud. It was probably a bit too bold given the situation. So instead, he focused on rolling up the net.

They met in the middle, rolling it up, and hauling it over to the storage room together. Even though they were both fully aware that it was light enough for either of them to carry it on their own.

_This is stupid. And so cliché,_ Kei found himself thinking for the hundredth time that night. He’d rather they at least just speak. Hell, he’d take Kuroo’s insufferable teasing over this strange quietness.

“Bokuto’s right you know,” Kuroo broke the silence. “Your blocking has improved a lot since that first camp you practiced with us. But – and this pains me to admit,” he placed his hand over his heart with some sort of sincerity, “I don’t think it’s because I told you to focus your strength into your fingertips or anything. You seem different.” He shrugged, as they both placed the net down in the storage room.

Kei thought back to that camp, the feeling of Yamaguchi’s fist clenched in the collar of his shirt, and his friend’s face so openly full of disappointment and frustration. It was the first time he acknowledged to himself that he had been feeling like he would be left behind, running in the same circles as his own tired thoughts. The shock on Yamaguchi’s face after he realized that he had just _yelled_ was almost as convincing for Kei as the actual yelling itself.

“I’ve been experimenting with different perspectives,” Kei responded.

Kuroo’s brow quirked up behind his ridiculous fringe, and his mouth hung open slightly. “You’ve been experimenting with – “ and then he just started laughing. “Man, Tsukki! You are such a weird dude!” He smacked Kei between the shoulders again, causing him to stutter forward and push up his glasses instinctually in the process.

Still chuckling to himself, Kuroo did a once-over of the storage room, and walked out to collect his water bottle, jacket and shoes from the gym entrance.

Kei watched him for a moment in quiet confusion. Wasn’t this supposed to be some sort of plan? Hadn’t Kuroo asked Akaashi to leave so that he could be alone with Kei in the storage room? Kei certainly wasn’t a master of romance, but he had seen _some_ cheesy movies. He was pretty sure Kuroo was supposed to make some sort of move just then. The idea that he could have misread the situation left him disgruntled.

After only a few seconds of rerunning over all of the previous information that had led him to think Kuroo was interested and deciding that said information still likely pointed toward yes, he jogged back to meet him at the door. There was no point in worrying about it.

They both changed their shoes and Kei swapped his sports glasses for his regular pair. He was wiping them with the hem of his shirt when Kuroo spoke up again.

“I’ll walk you back to your building if you want,” he said casually. “You seem like the type of guy who’d want to shower and stuff before eating dinner.”

Kei shot him a glance from the corner of his eye. They were two athletic guys at a camp full of other students and it was barely seven in the evening. There was no reason for Kei to need an escort; he concluded that this was more likely Kuroo’s actual plan. _Classier than the storage closet, at least,_ he hummed. “Okay.”

A flash of surprise washed over Kuroo’s face before he schooled it back to his usual demeanor. “Ah, good. Have to make sure the youth is staying safe, you know.”

_There’s only a two-year gap between us_ , Kei rolled his eyes. “Don’t refer to me as ‘youth.’ It’s unsettling.”

Kuroo just laughed, and they headed outside. The longer they walked together in silence, the more Kei started to realize that any preconceived notion he had that Kuroo was in any way suave, was probably wrong. The guy seemed nervous.

They were almost at the building Karasuno was staying in when he apparently got the nerve to speak. “You know, I think the new perspective suits you, Tsukki.

“Oh? Have you been watching me enough to notice a change?” He teased.

Kuroo barked out a laugh, and visibly relaxed. “Ha! Don’t act like you haven’t noticed. I know you aren’t stupid, and I’m not exactly known for my subtly.”

_Oh. That was direct._ It caught Kei off guard. He didn’t really know how to deal with a direct confrontation like that. “Uh, thank you?” He managed.

“Man, I basically come out and say that I like you, and you just say thank you? You can be so hard to read, Tsukki,” Kuroo shook his head with a soft chuckle.

Yamaguchi’s voice from earlier in the day, telling Kei the exact opposite thing flashed briefly in the forefront of his mind, and he had to bite back the urge to laugh at the irony.

They were now standing outside the glass door of his team’s dorms for the night, and Kei still wasn’t sure exactly how to deal with Kuroo’s directness. He supposed he just had to be direct in return.

“I’m not entirely sure how I feel, Kuroo-san. But I’m not interested in dating.”

“Yeah, that sounds like you.” Kuroo shook his head fondly again. “That’s fine by me. I’m graduating in a few months anyway, so I figured I’d just put myself out there and see how it goes. And since you haven’t been blatantly shutting me down all day – and even played along a few times – I thought I’d give it a shot,” he finished with a good-natured shrug.

“Tch. So much for being hard to read,” Kei mumbled with narrowed eyes.

Much to Kei’s chagrin, Kuroo still looked amused. “So, Tsukishima, what is it? Interested or not?”

_Interested in_ what _exactly,_ Kei wanted to retort. If Kuroo was fine with not dating, but was still interested _something_ with him, then what did that mean? Kei was pretty sure there wouldn’t be a solid answer, so instead he matched Kuroo’s vagueness. “I suppose… I’m not _not_ interested.” He could always back out later if Kuroo asked for something more.

Kuroo’s bemused smirk softened into one that was actually almost… well, _pleasant_ to look at, and Kei felt that unfamiliar, nervous prickly sensation again. “Would it be alright if I kissed you?”

Kei’s eyes flicked down to Kuroo’s lips involuntarily, and he was glad to see that the rest of his expression had completely lost the coyness from earlier. Now his face was just open in askance, with no hints of expectation either way. So, Kei nodded.

Expression unchanging, save for a new shine to his eyes, Kuroo lifted his hands to frame Kei’s face. Lips slightly parted, they met somewhere in the middle, with Kuroo gently walking him a step backward so that Kei’s shoulder blades were pressed against the wall next to the doorway.

The kiss was… fine. Certainly better than the peck with Furukawa-san, but not earth shattering like every piece of media told him first kisses were supposed to be, either. He supposed he should stop even attempting to use that sort of thing as a baseline anyway. His thoughts were always clearer when he gathered his own information.

The nervous tingles subsided almost immediately and gave Kei a clear enough mind to admit to himself that he liked the way the callouses on Kuroo’s fingertips brushed along his jawline. He hesitated only for a moment before he cautiously placed his palm on Kuroo’s forearm, and slowly slid it up to feel his bicep. It was… nice. Solid and firm, and Kei found he liked the idea that he could feel the hard work that went into creating that kind of muscle tone.

But, as Kuroo’s lips caressed his own, and he responded similarly, he couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that this just wasn’t _doing_ anything for him. Sure, it felt nice and was enjoyable, but his mind kept wandering to other things – the leaves crunching under their feet, the fact that they were _right_ by the entrance of the building and anyone could see them, the sound of the flies buzzing at the light above their heads.

Kei was finally forming the conclusion that there just wasn’t the right kind of emotional connection between himself and Kuroo when the footsteps of a familiar-sounding stride came meandering down the sidewalk beside them.

When the surprised voice broke the bubble of silence around them, Kei found that he wasn’t surprised at all at whose it was. “O-oh! Tsukki! Ah – uh, Kuroo-san – s-sorry!”

Kei pulled back from Kuroo’s hold expecting to see Yamaguchi’s embarrassed and nervous face, but instead Yamaguchi’s cheeks were flushed a very light pink, his lips parted in a small ‘o’ and his eyes wide with what looked to be awe, admiration, and something else very soft that Kei couldn’t quite place. It was such a stark contrast to how he expected his friend to react to walking in on him kissing someone, that he couldn’t quite contain a fond smirk.

“It’s cool, Freckles. No worries,” Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, but his usual crafty tone was back.

“Excuse me, Kuroo-san,” Kei bowed his head before stepping to the side. “I should be going if I want to make it to the cafeteria on time.”

“Yeah, me too,” Kuroo nodded easily, his eyes flicking once with curiosity between Kei and Yamaguchi. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow – tell your teammates they better be prepared to lose again!” He didn’t wait for a response, just gave a casual wave and walked off toward his own temporary dorm.

Yamaguchi walked with Kei inside the building, waiting an appropriate amount of time before his excitement seemed to burst. “Tsukki, that was Kuroo Tetsuro! You were _making out_ ,” he whispered, “with Kuroo Tetsuro!”

“Yes,” Kei scoffed out a laugh. “I was there.”

“But, Tsukki! _Kuroo. Tetsuro,_ ” Yamaguchi emphasized as they grabbed their things from their common sleeping area and headed for the baths.

“I’m sure I don’t want to know whatever it is that you think that means. But shower first, I’m too sweaty to have this conversation right now.”

Yamaguchi laughed, “oh, yeah? It sure _looked_ like you two worked up a sweat.”

Kei sent over a death glare, but otherwise didn’t grace Yamaguchi with a retort. It was his own fault for walking right into that one.

Yamaguchi continued snickering to himself the rest of the way down the hall.

* * *

They made it to the cafeteria with just about twenty minutes to spare. It was mostly empty, with a few tables of assorted players from Shinzen and Ubugawa sitting in one of the corners. Even though there was a sparse crowd, Kei still implored Yamaguchi to keep his voice down during his barrage of questioning. Less people just meant more space for the sound to travel – something he knew Yamaguchi understood logically, if not emotionally.

“I’m just – just so _surprised_ , I guess,” Yamaguchi stated for a second time, this time with a mouth full of rice.

Kei took a bite of rice from his own smaller bowl. “I don’t see why. You had already guessed pretty much every one else. I assumed you’d figured it out already.”

“Well Yaku-san comes in to help Lev with receives sometimes right? _That_ seemed more likely to me than Kuroo Tetsuro – I mean, weren’t you just saying to me a few weeks ago how he’s always trying to rile you up?”

Kei nodded. “He _is_ always doing that. I think it’s like a point of pride for him or something.”

“A-and, this means that you’ve known he might be into you since at least over a month ago?” That look of awe was back, sparkling across Yamaguchi’s face.

“Well, it was just a hunch,” Kei conceded. “It’s not like I’m the only one he tries to mess with. There was always the chance that it was just his personality rather than flirting.” He paused, “although, the winking at me from across the gym was a pretty good indicator.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes had gone somewhat distant, his mouth hanging open in that small ‘o’ again. “Wow. _Kuroo Tetsuro._ ”

“Okay fine. I’m going to ask,” Kei sighed heavily, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why do you keep saying his full name like that, like he’s some sort of celebrity or something?”

Coming back to the present, Yamaguchi quirked his brow at Kei. “I thought you knew? Apparently, he’s considered the hottest guy in the whole camp.”

Kei scrunched his nose. “But his hair is so stupid.”

Yamaguchi smiled brightly through a laugh. “It’s about more than his hair, Tsukki.”

“Wait, you said ‘apparently.’ Who’s your source?” Kei asked with narrowed eyes.

“O-oh, uh,” Yamaguchi rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I overheard all the managers talking about it at the barbeque during the summer camp. I only went over there because Daichi-san asked me to help corral Nishinoya away from playing their guard dog. He heard more of the conversation than I did, but I heard the tail-end where most of them agreed that Kuroo was attractive. Even Nishinoya-san was nodding along in approval,” Yamaguchi laughed.

Kei just hummed. He wasn’t exactly sure what do with that information. Kuroo’s apparent popularity didn’t mean much to him, although it was mildly interesting that Yamaguchi was apparently placing so much weight on it. “So, do you agree then? That he’s the hottest guy at the camp? More so than your beloved Azumane-san – he’ll be heartbroken.”

“Would you _stop_ with the Asahi thing,” he glared. “And, w-well, I don’t know! He’s certainly not _bad_ looking,” Yamaguchi sputtered before quickly recovering and hardening his features again. “Wait, hey! No changing the subject! You still have to answer more of my questions! How did you even get from winking across the gym, to _kissing_ him out in the open like that?”

Kei cringed at that. He preferred to imagine that he hadn’t actually agreed to a kiss in such a public place. It hadn’t been until later that he realized just how grateful he was that it was Yamaguchi who happened to stumble upon them instead of someone else.

Ignoring the small flame of embarrassment, he explained how Kuroo had been acting slightly subdued in the gym before offering to walk him back to their building. “Then I told him I wasn’t interesting in dating, which he seemed receptive to,” Kei paused. “But then he still asked if I was interested anyway, and then asked to kiss me. You basically saw the rest.”

“Wait, wait,” Yamaguchi put down his chopsticks. “I don’t get it, he asked if you were interested in what?”

Kei nodded, “I don’t know. Kissing me apparently.”

Yamaguchi’s mouth parted in confused exasperation. “And of course, you didn’t ask him to clarify,” it was a statement. “Oh my god, Tsukki! What if he meant like being friends with benefits? Or what if he wanted to just be like phone sex buddies – do you even have his phone number? _Wait, did you unknowingly become sexy pen pals with Kuroo Tetsuro!?_ ”

“Oh god, please no,” Kei squeezed his eyes shut. Yamaguchi’s tone was light and teasing, but Kei couldn’t help feeling mildly horrified by the idea of receiving late-night texts from Kuroo. What _had_ he agreed to?

“Wait, but is that really so bad?” Yamauchi’s joking lilt was replaced by genuine curiosity. “I mean, you told him straight up you weren’t interested in anything more so it’s not like you’d be leading him on. Seems like an okay deal to me.”

“I… it… it didn’t feel…,” Kei huffed. He didn’t know exactly how to explain it to him. It was more than just not being interested romantically. It had taken kissing Kuroo for him to realize it, but he wasn’t interested in him physically either. “…Just, just no.”

Yamaguchi gave him a soft knowing smile that gave Kei that weird flipping feeling in his stomach that made him feel _seen_. But then Yamaguchi chuckled with an air of snark, and the feeling left. “Well. One thing is for sure. He’s definitely good at flustering you.”

Kei leveled him with his eyes. “Yamaguchi. Shut up.”

Yamaguchi ignored him, picking his chopsticks back up to finish the remainder of his dinner.

They ate in silence for a few minutes while Yamaguchi’s words echoed in Kei’s mind. Something about Kuroo’s tendency to rile him up had reminded him of how Furukawa-san had kissed him out of nowhere on their date. “Why is it that the two people I’ve told that I’m not interested in dating, have responded by kissing me? It’s illogical.” He turned to face Yamaguchi fully.

Yamaguchi met his gaze, and paused for a moment, thinking. “Hmm… well they do both strike me as the type who like a challenge.”

Kei outright scoffed. “That’s disturbing. I’m a person, not a goalpost.”

“Very true,” Yamaguchi nodded seriously. “Although, you are tall enough to make a pretty effective one.”

With another sigh of annoyance, Kei glared at Yamaguchi one last time before standing up from the table. “You are officially banned from asking questions.”

Yamaguchi snickered, but followed after Kei to clean up their trays and head back for the night.

* * *

_Fuck… the big… fucking… hill…_ Kei was breathing so hard that even his thoughts were coming in pants. He had just reached the top of Shinzen’s famous grassy mountain of death for the third time that day. They were definitely winning more of the practice matches than they were over the summer, but that didn’t mean the team wasn’t still enduring its fair share of penalty sprints. And Kei wasn’t lagging behind by an embarrassing amount anymore, which he supposed was an improvement.

Yamaguchi, as always though, was still more than a few paces ahead of him – having passed Kei on his way back down a few moments ago. Kei took a deep inhale, grateful for the autumn chill in the air, before he pivoted back around and began his jog back down the big fucking hill.

Halfway down he noticed most of Nekoma lingering by the gym door – _probably to rub in the fact that they won, yet again,_ Kei figured. As he got closer, he saw Kuroo had waved over Yamaguchi, who was now looking very red-faced as he rubbed the back of his neck.

There were only a few reasons Kei could imagine Kuroo speaking to Yamaguchi, considering that the two had never said more than pleasantries to each other before, as far as Kei was aware.

Scenario number one: Kuroo was complimenting Yamaguchi on his three service aces in their last practice match, and vowing to receive them all next time. But this was unlikely. Yamaguchi might be somewhat sheepish to get a genuine compliment from “ _Kuroo Tetsuro”_ (Kei internally cringed at his own adoption of Yamaguchi’s emphasis), but the strong shade currently darkening his cheeks was too much of a reaction for that.

Scenario number two: Kuroo was saying something obscene and/or outlandish in regards to what Yamaguchi had walked in on he and Kei doing last night. This was unfortunately, the much more likely scenario.

Kei knew he would have to talk to Kuroo eventually to clarify that he didn’t want to be “sexy pen pals” or whatever ridiculous concept Yamaguchi was convinced Kei had accidentally agreed to. But in his never-ending pursuit to not bring attention to himself, Kei had designated that to be a conversation for later tonight, and definitely not now when Kuroo was clearly trying to use his friend to get a rise out of him.

So, when Kei finally reached the bottom of the hill, he merely plopped down on the ground and laid back to look up at the sky. He absently threaded his fingers through the grass while he waited for his breathing to return to normal.

A moment later a familiar weight sat down next to him with his pulled his knees up to his chest.

“What did he want?” Kei asked with only mild curiosity.

“He was being really weird,” Yamaguchi stated.

Kei hummed. “Well that’s not exactly anything new.” He propped himself up on one elbow to better meet Yamaguchi’s gaze. His cheeks were still lightly dusted pink, further contrasting against his freckles. “What did he say?”

“Well first, he apologized – which I didn’t understand at all,” Yamaguchi began gesturing his hands as he spoke, “and said something about not wanting to ‘step on anyone’s toes.’ And when I told him I had no idea what he was talking about he just stared at me like I had two heads or something – and _then_ he just burst out _laughing_. He said something about ‘youth,’ clapped me on the shoulder and told me to ‘tell Tsukki that he’s off the hook, and I’ll see you both at Nationals.’” Yamaguchi looked at Kei with exasperation, clearly hoping for some insight.

_Hm, an unforeseen scenario number three._ “Huh,” Kei laid back against the grass again, “well that’s a relief I guess.”

“You understood all of that?” Yamaguchi’s brows pinched together in curiosity.

Kei shrugged. “Sounds like he thinks we’re together,” he pointed between himself and Yamaguchi, “and he’s using that as an excuse to take back his annoyingly vague offer from last night.”

“I – what? Why would he think that?”

“Dunno,” Kei shrugged again. “He might not think so at all, and is just saying it to mess with me.” He sat up straight, “we should go inside. The sweat is starting to make the grass stick to my legs.”

“Wait, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi called as Kei stood up. “Shouldn’t we go correct him? What if you’re wrong and he really _does_ think we’re together?”

“Nah,” Kei responded as Yamaguchi fell into step with him. “I don’t really care what he thinks, and this way I don’t have to worry about him sending me dick pics or something once the camp is over.”

When Yamaguchi didn’t respond after a beat, Kei looked over to see him apparently lost in thought. He couldn’t tell if it was the lighting of the now lowly setting sun or not, but Yamaguchi’s cheeks somehow looked even more flushed than they did a few minutes ago.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna note that while this story does take place during the canon of the show, and has references to it, I'm being a liiiittle bit loose with the timeline with small details like when exactly Akiteru gave Tsukki the new glasses, or when Yachi said that thing about nerves to Yamaguchi. For the most part though, it should be pretty accurate, with the whole story taking place between when the go back to school after summer break, and the prefecture qualifier finals at the end of October.
> 
> Thanks as always for reading, I really appreciate it! Chapter 5 is done and will be out next week, and Chapter 6 is like 95% of the way there, so we're right on schedule! :)


	5. Pleasantly Unfamiliar Sound Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi has a suggestion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter this time compared to last week, but I don't think you'll be disappointed ;).
> 
> Hope you like it!

**The Kissing Journals**

**Chapter 5: Pleasantly Unfamiliar Sound Waves**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

After talking to Kuroo, and subsequently Tsukishima, on the last evening of their training camp over the weekend, Tadashi had gotten an idea. It was so logical that he wondered why he hadn’t thought of it sooner – really it should have been the first step when he had come up with this experiment in the first place. But there was also the fact that the idea felt completely outlandish.

It had come to Tadashi’s attention that the reason this whole kissing journal thing wasn’t really producing results, was because there wasn’t a strong enough connection already established between the two parties. So, there needed to be more categories.

Well, one more category to be exact.

Tsukki had an entry for both the “relative stranger” and “acquaintance” categories, while Tadashi was currently staring at his single entry in the “friend” category. And once again, this cruel piece of paper was glaring back up at him, daring him to follow through on the logic he’d just admitted to and to write in the brand new “best friend” category.

 _Plus. I still haven’t kissed a boy,_ Tadashi gnawed at his bottom lip.

This is where the rationality went out the window, and the outlandishness set in. Because he knew that as soon as he wrote those two words down on the paper, he knew it only meant Tsukki. It meant _kissing_ Tsukki. And every time he got that far in the thought process, he felt that same baffled, unnerving feeling he had felt when he realized that Kuroo Tetsuro was already under the impression that Tadashi was dating his best friend.

It’s not that kissing Tsukki seemed wrong in any way, it just felt… weird. It reminded him of all those kids in elementary school who acted like they were afraid of catching cooties, but they couldn’t stop chasing each other anyway. It was squirmy, prickly, and admittedly… exciting.

It had been five days since the idea of a new category had occurred to him, and other than his thoughts running around in frantic circles, nothing had really changed. He was laid across Tsukki’s bed and absently doodling in the margins of his English notebook while Tsukki was studying at his own desk a few feet away. A typical Friday evening for them.

Except that Tadashi was sure that Tsukishima was about to laugh him out of the room for the suggestion he was considering making. But Tadashi also knew he had no other prospects, and this was _Tsukki_. If there was anything Tsukki could be counted on for, it was to not make a big deal out of things. _It’s going to be fine_ , he repeated to himself for the third time today. _Probably._

“What is it?” Tsukki’s disinterested voice snapped Tadashi out of his thoughts.

“Huh?” Tadashi looked up to see Tsukki glance away from his papers momentarily to meet his eyes before looking back at his work.

“You were making that sighing sound like you want to ask me for something, or tell me some story you think I won’t care about.”

“Oh, I uh,” Tadashi sat up and scratched his cheek. “I have a suggestion about the next data point for the uh, experiment.”

“Oh?” Tsukki asked placidly.

“W-well. I think we need another category.”

Tsukishima looked up from his desk to meet Tadashi’s gaze fully. “What do you mean? I sort of figured we’d be done since between the two of us we’ve basically filled all the categories.”

“U-um, yeah well. I was thinking about what you said after you kissed Kuroo, about how it didn’t quite feel right, even though you think he’s attractive,” Tsukki opened his mouth, clearly about to protest that Tadashi was embellishing on his words – which he knew he was – but he also knew he was right. So, Tadashi pressed on. “And it sort of reminded me of how I felt after I kissed Yacchan – and well, I just think it might make sense to add a um… a ‘best friend’ column.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Tadashi became uncomfortably aware of the fact that he and Tsukki had never actually referred to each other as best friends. The phrase was now feeling very childish to him.

Tsukishima blinked at him, clearly understanding Tadashi’s implication immediately, but seemingly not quite believing that he was actually suggesting it. “You’re saying that _we_ should…?”

Heat prickled the skin just beneath Tadashi’s eyes. “Um, well… yeah.”

Tsukki narrowed his eyes slightly in thought, before: “no.”

“Come on, Tsukki,” he tucked his knees underneath himself to get more comfortable. “I know you’ve basically fulfilled your end of the deal and everything, but I still haven’t kissed a guy yet, and _neither_ of us has really had a kiss we fully enjoyed, and that was like the whole point!”

Mouth slightly parted and brows in a firm line, Tsukishima was staring at Tadashi with so much incredulity that it made Tadashi feel self-conscious. “Are you… are you saying that you want to kiss me, because you think it’ll be _good_?” He wasn’t even teasing, just genuinely confused.

It was like someone had lit a match beneath every single pore on Tadashi’s face. “I – no! That’s not what I meant! I wasn’t thinking about it like that!” He was spluttering. “I just – I just meant that it’s something we haven’t tried and well. The point was to… try things.”

When Tsukishima didn’t respond right away, still blinking and clearly thinking a mile a minute, Tadashi continued on. He had already put the idea out there; he might as well try to follow through with it. If Tsukki truly didn’t want to, Tadashi wasn’t going to be offended. He knew it wasn’t a normal thing to ask of a friend.

“Look, Tsukki,” he saw his friend’s eyes refocus on him. “This isn’t a confession or anything. And you’re right, I probably should have thought further ahead about the implications when I asked you – but things aren’t weird with me and Yacchan, or with you and Furukawa-san or Kuroo-san, right?” He didn’t wait for an answer, “so I don’t see why it would have to be a big deal between us either – it just seemed like it made sense as the next step. But I get that it’s sort of weird too, so we don’t have too.” He managed not to blush again until the very end when he felt the tips of his ears simmering

Tsukishima’s eyes pinched together and he mumbled something Tadashi couldn’t quite hear. “Fine.”

It wasn’t until Tsukki actually agreed that the weight of the weirdness came crashing down on Tadashi. He was going to have to move. Tsukki sure as hell wasn’t about to get up and walk over to him. It was Tadashi’s suggestion, so Tadashi would be the one to walk. Walk over to Tsukki. To kiss him. His best friend. For no reason other than he was curious what it would be like.

He felt the incessant need to giggle. Instead, he continued chewing on his lip and cautiously untucked his legs to walk over to where Tsukki was still sat at his desk. From this angle he was significantly taller than Tsukishima, and it further added to the strangeness of the situation. It was like the weird cootie-like feeling was actually collecting in the air particles around them.

“Um… stand?” He asked cautiously.

Tsukishima nodded and stood up wordlessly. At least now their height difference was a more comfortable one.

Their eyes met and for a moment neither of them moved, until Tsukki seemed to deflate and roll his eyes all in one movement before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Tadashi’s in a quick peck.

Tadashi squeaked in surprise and after a pause fell into the fit of laughter that he had been fighting for the last few minutes. “Tsukki! If I had wanted a kiss like that, I would have just waited until the next time my auntie was in town! That doesn’t count!”

“Shut up.” He was so flushed that Tadashi became suddenly aware that he had never seen Tsukki truly blush before. The rouge set underneath the surface of his light skin and painted his face pink from his cheekbones up to his hairline. Tadashi almost felt guilty for outright laughing like he had, until he saw the small tug at the corner of Tsukki’s mouth, resisting the urge to laugh together.

But still, the moment sobered Tadashi’s mindset. “Sorry Tsukki… Um, try again?”

Tsukishima sighed, “fine.”

He paused for a moment, his body language more relaxed than before, looking over Tadashi’s face like he was searching for the best angle. His hand came up to cup Tadashi’s right cheek, and this time his whole upper body was leaning in. Tadashi was struck by how different this felt already from when he had kissed Yachi in the relative safety of darkness. Now that his best friend was inching closer and looking at him in a way Tadashi had never seen before, laughter was the furthest thing from his mind.

Tadashi felt Tsukki’s right hand rest its weight on the desk just behind his hip a split second before Tsukishima’s lips captured his again. They were slightly parted this time and Tadashi could feel the entire fullness of Tsukki’s bottom lip between his own. It was softer than whatever he had been expecting, and moved against his with hesitant purpose.

The hand at his cheek was placed with a similar delicate, yet firm intent. Tsukki always made sure to do things – especially things he had little practice in – as carefully and as deliberately as possible so he wouldn’t screw them up. It made sense that this would be no different. But as Tsukishima tentatively moved his hand from the desk to rest on Tadashi’s hipbone instead, it hit him: it wasn’t just because Tsukki didn’t want to mess it up.

He cared. He cared enough to try to get it right.

Tadashi felt something shift inside him, like the entire axis of his core was experiencing a sudden, seismic tilt. _Tsukki cares, Tsukki cares, Tsukki_ cares. The realization bloomed slowly out from his chest, buzzing through his body with a soothing warmth, prickling his cheekbones and sending goosebumps to the tips of his ears.

Logically, it was something Tadashi had always just known in the back of his mind, but now, as the thumb at Tadashi’s hip drew a slow, careful circle over the bone, he could _feel_ it to. He could feel Tsukki’s quiet determination like it was flowing through his own veins.

He wanted to give it back to him; to share it with him. To let him know that the effort he put in wasn’t in vain, and that Tadashi was grateful for it. Not just now, but he was grateful for it every day. That he saw how hard Tsukki tried at everything, and even how hard he tried to seem like he wasn’t trying at all.

With far less hesitancy than Tsukishima had shown him in his previous movements, Tadashi reached his hands out to clutch at the collar of Tsukki’s shirt and pull them closer together. Tsukki’s grip on Tadashi’s cheek and hip pulsed momentarily before Tadashi ran one hand up into Tsukishima’s hair and he felt Tsukki further relax into him.

Their lips moved together slowly, still getting a feel for things while Tadashi threaded his fingers through the short hairs at the nape of Tsukki’s neck.

The warmth radiating from his chest settled into each of his movements and he wondered if Tsukishima could feel it through some kind of osmosis. Each of his motions was reciprocated in some small way – a brush of a thumb over his cheek, a squeeze of reassurance to his side, or a firmer press of lips. Tadashi knew Tsukki too well to think that they weren’t deliberate.

Tadashi wanted to press his palm to Tsukishima’s chest to see if his heart was beating as fast as his own, but he wasn’t sure if that would somehow be too intimate. And that was when he realized he didn’t want this to stop. The swooping tingling sensation he felt from each one of Tsukki’s movements felt so comfortable and homey and solid and…

_I like this… I really like this…_

Before his brain could tell him that it might not be a good idea, he swiped his tongue across the curve of Tsukki’s lip. The low, hushed gasp that escaped Tsukki’s mouth as he parted his lips fluttered across Tadashi’s cheekbones in a pleasant mixture of unknown and familiar sound waves. Tadashi’s whole body was set on fire. Melting, sweating, evaporating.

For a moment, Tadashi thought that Tsukki would be embarrassed by making any noise, but Tsukki once again reciprocated by tentatively sliding his tongue back to match Tadashi’s motion. There was a kind of awkward intimacy in the way their teeth accidentally clicked together.

_Click-clunk._

Then, they both were frozen solid. That was an entirely different latching sound – and it was almost always followed by one thing.

“I’m home!” A muffled voice from downstairs called into the house.

 _Akiteru-kun,_ Tadashi recognized the voice even through his foggy mind.

He pulled back somewhat reluctantly from Tsukki, but as he looked him over all other thoughts left his mind. His shirt collar was loosened from where Tadashi had gripped it, his hair ruffled in various places, and while his glasses had managed to stay in place, his eyes were blown wider than Tadashi had thought humanly possible. _Stunning_.

“Yeah, I definitely like boys,” he breathed out numbly.

The sound of Tadashi’s voice must have knocked Tsukki out of whatever haze he was in because his pupils immediately dialed back down to the size of pinpricks. “Akiteru.”

As soon as his brother’s name left his mouth, the sound of Akiteru’s socked feet could just be heard as he made his way up the stairs. Tadashi could see the panic laced in Tsukki’s face. Akiteru wasn’t supposed to be home this weekend, and Tadashi could imagine that the combination of their current situation with a surprise visit from his brother must have sent Tsukki’s brain into overdrive. It was two unknown and unprecedented things within the span of five minutes. And Tsukki hated anything unknown or unprecedented.

Tadashi acted as quickly as he could, doing his best to smooth Tsukki’s collar and flatten his hair before he turned his attention to himself. He pulled his shirt back down from where Tsukishima had apparently pulled it up to his ribcage – _when did that happen?_

Tadashi watched in amazement as Tsukki easily schooled his features back into a neutral state, absently wiping his lips with the back of his hand before sitting back down in his chair. He motioned to Tadashi to fix his own hair, but just as he reached up to feel where the tangles were, the bedroom door opened.

“Kei I – “ Akiteru looked surprised only for a split second before his smile grew even wider. “Tadashi! I should have known you’d be over!”

A quick assessment of his proximity to Tsukki told Tadashi that they weren’t quite close enough to be suspicious, but it was still slightly unusual for Tadashi to be standing over near Tsukki’s desk like this. “Akiteru-kun! I didn’t think you’d be in town until the qualifiers next weekend!” Tadashi chirped in what he hoped was his usual tone of excitement.

“I told him not to come then too,” Tsukki mumbled under his breath.

Akiteru pretended like he didn’t hear Tsukishima’s snark, and continued on in his usual cheeriness. “I had some free time this weekend so I thought I’d spend it here! Plus, mom called me on my way here and said she’ll be home late, so I picked up some takeout!” He lifted up a plastic bag that Tadashi had only just noticed was in his hand. “There should be enough for you too Tadashi!”

“Thanks! I’d love to stay!” Tadashi nodded happily.

“Thanks, Nii-chan,” Tsukki gave a single nod of his head.

“What are you guys working on?” Akiteru craned over easily to see the surface of the desk.

Tadashi’s skin pinged in alarm when he realized that the notebook that happened to be open, was Tsukki’s Kissing Journal. Tsukishima had his arm strategically covering most of the writing on it – probably aware of the issue from the moment Akiteru had started walking up the staircase.

“Just going over some notes! We’ve got a test coming up next week,” Tadashi provided easily. He knew first-hand that Tsukki’s observational skills were a family trait and Akiteru had surely noticed Tsukki’s attempt to cover the notebook, so he silently prayed that Akiteru would just write it off as Tsukki’s typical standoffishness and not press any further.

Akiteru gave one last glance from the desk, to Tsukki’s annoyed glare, and back to what Tadashi hoped was his own easy smile before he spoke again. “Okay, well why don’t you guys come down to eat now since I’ve already distracted you!” He nodded cheerfully before he headed back downstairs with the expectation that they’d be right behind him.

As soon as he was out the door Tadashi could feel the air in the room change. There was relief to not have been caught in a compromising position, but also a new kind of unspoken _something_ between himself and Tsukishima.

Tadashi met Tsukki’s eyes quickly to assess what he was thinking. “ _If we don’t go right down, he’ll be suspicious of something,”_ his eyebrows said. Tadashi nodded in agreement and made to leave the room. During the quick walk down the stairs he wondered about the amazing irony that he could practically read Tsukki’s mind most of the time, but he had absolutely no idea how he felt about the kiss they had shared.

If he was being honest with himself, Tadashi wasn’t even sure how he himself was feeling about it.

* * *

Laying face up in his own bed, Tadashi rolled to the side to glance at the time in his phone again. _12:31 am_. The digits hovered over a picture Yachi had taken of he and Tsukishima each smirking while palming a volleyball while a blurry Hinata chased after his own, moments after he had failed attempt to palm it with his still-too-small hands.

 _An hour,_ Tadashi sighed. _I’ve been laying here for an hour._ His mind had been pacing back and forth since he left the Tsukishima household after dinner. He wasn’t sure if he was grateful or not that his mom had called him home before he and Tsukki could debrief like they usually did after they had a new entry for the journal. It gave him more time to sort out exactly what happened during the kiss before he saw Tsukki again the next morning. But it also meant that he had spent the last hour lying awake thinking about nothing else.

It wasn’t this way with Yachi. The giddy feeling that followed him like a cloud that whole night was nice and left him feeling bubbly. But the way he felt now was somehow a million times lighter and yet he carried it around like it was a weight pressing on his ribcage from the inside out. He didn’t know what it meant.

He liked it. He knew that much. Whenever he remembered the way Tsukki had overtaken all of his senses in that moment – taste, touch, and sound all mixing together in a soothing fog – he couldn’t help but shudder.

But why? _Why?_ He groaned, lifting his pillow to smash it over his eyes. _Is it because Tsukki is a boy… or because the boy_ was _Tsukki…_

**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh boy, this chapter was what I was most excited to write for this fic, so I'm really excited to have it finally up!
> 
> Only one chapter left! It just needs some editing tweaks, so it should be up soon!
> 
> Thank you as always for reading, I really appreciate it!! <3


	6. Individual Evidence Consultations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

**The Kissing Journals**

**Chapter 6: Individual Evidence Consultations**

**~~~~~~~~~~**

Things were weird. Except, Tadashi couldn’t tell if things were actually weird, or if he was just imagining it. As he expected, Tsukki wasn’t making a bid deal out of the kiss. Tsukishima had been waiting for him at their meeting point and they walked to morning practice together just like they did every day. And when they spoke, the air was full of its usual ease. But there were little things – like when Tsukki would absently adjust where his headphones sat around his neck and Tadashi couldn’t help but picture how those fingers had lightly brushed across his cheekbones the night before. Or how Tadashi was completely and overwhelmingly aware of how close they were standing at all times.

Tadashi wasn’t used to being so _aware_ of Tsukishima like this. Sure, he had been revolving around Tsukki for so long that he had become subconsciously used to his presence – the way he stood, or fiddled with his fingers; the cadence of his walk, or the way his shoulders relaxed when he was listening to music. These were things Tadashi had always seen and just never had a second thought about. But now, it was like each little motion – each little Tsukki-ism – was stoking a small fire in the heart of Tadashi’s chest.

_Because Tsukki is a boy, or because Tsukki_ was _the boy…_ Tadashi’s mind had been running on a loop since he went to bed the night before.

“Good morning!” Yachi called to them as they entered the gym after they had changed into their practice clothes. “Coach Ukai is going to be late today, and told me to tell everyone to go ahead and start on their laps around the school. Daichi-san is already waiting at the usual starting point!”

“Thanks, Yacchan!” Tadashi nodded to her with a smile. She returned the gesture before going back to helping Shimizu set up the nets so they could do some drills when they came back.

Tadashi couldn’t help but go over everything again once they began their run. He had kissed Tsukki, and he liked it. With the amount of times he’d relived the moment in his head since leaving the Tsukishima house the night before, it was easy enough to admit to himself. But it was the underlying implication beneath that revelation that kept snagging at Tadashi’s thoughts.

The thought wasn’t even fully formed. It just sort of floated around absently, urging Tadashi to ask himself outright. _Do I have feelings for Tsukki…_

Understanding himself and his feelings was something Tadashi had never really struggled with. Even when he had a crush on Yachi after she had first joined on as a manager, everything had been simple and clear-cut. She was cute, he got butterflies when he was near her, and her over-the-top nervous rambling was so endearing that he couldn’t help but smile when he thought about it. And even when he got closer to her and their relationship deepened into a more comfortable friendship instead, that was an easy transition. The butterflies subsided, and he found himself more than happy to just to sit and chat with her. The change from crush to friends was so seamless that even the kiss they shared a few weeks ago didn’t cause Tadashi to question anything. It was easy.

But Tsukki was different. Tsukki was so _constant_ in Tadashi’s life that the idea of transitioning into anything other than what they were now felt surreal and faraway – if he was even able to fathom it at all. Admiration for Tsukishima was something that had always come naturally for Tadashi. And when he had allowed himself to question that admiration over the summer – when he thought Tsukki might have finally given in to the apathy that Akiteru’s lie had planted in him – Tadashi was almost ashamed at the level of dread he had felt. That he could even consider thinking of Tsukki as lame. That he wouldn’t be able to play volleyball with him anymore if Tsukki really did decide to quit.

Hearing Tsukishima outright call him “cool” that night was shocking enough in itself, but now as Tadashi finished up his first lap around the school and felt Tsukki keeping pace with him, he realized that the feelings from that night were now dwarfed by something even bigger.

He had yelled at Tsukki about pride as if he had understood it himself. But the pride he felt as Tsukki ran by his side, their warm breaths fogging up the chilly morning air in front of them, was a kind of shared pride that Tadashi hadn’t known existed. He realized now that he had felt it every day after that at the summer training camp, he had felt it every time Tsukki decided to go practice with Akiteru instead of walking home with him, and he had felt it in the way he and Tsukki had kissed.

Just like it had then, the feeling swelled up in his chest, causing the cool sting of the overcast morning air to dissipate completely. As they circled back around to the entrance of the gym, Tadashi finally felt like he had reached some kind of a conclusion.

_No one but Tsukki could make me feel like this._

He wanted Tsukki by his side as long as possible, and whatever shape that companionship took, Tadashi was sure he could be content with it. But as their morning practice ran on, he and Tsukki falling in to their usual routine with ease, he couldn’t help but think about how he did have hope for the kind of relationship they could have.

He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to kiss him again. Watching as Tsukki analyzed his opponents across the net, expending all of his effort and energy to observe and then act – his intellect manifesting itself perfectly into his body as he jumped up to make a forceful block – Tadashi couldn’t take his eyes away. And while he hadn’t thought twice about seeing Tsukishima kissing Kuroo last weekend, now the image did something strange to Tadashi’s stomach.

The way Tsukki had his hand lightly draped over Kuroo’s bicep, and the lazy tilt of his head had seemed like nothing special at the time. But now that Tadashi had been on the receiving end of a Tsukishima kiss, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was the same for Tsukki both times.

_Is that how he had kissed me?_ He thought as he rotated in for his own blocking practice. _So… dispassionately?_

Once again, the memory of Tsukki’s breath across his cheeks sent a subtle shiver down his spine, and he mentally shook his head.

_No. I know how it felt. He had seemed apathetic about Kuroo, and the way Tsukki was last night was,_ he suppressed a blush and risked a glance over to where Tsukishima was sat on the bench drinking from his water bottle, _the farthest thing from apathy I’ve ever seen from him._

Of course, he’d know for sure if he just asked him. And there was the whole pretense of the journals anyway. It was part of the routine to discuss the kisses with each other, and honestly, _not_ talking about might say more than talking about it.

At least, that’s how he would try to rationalize it to Tsukki if he tried to deflect the conversation. Because, as practice ended and they got ready to walk back home, Tadashi had decided. He was going to ask how Tsukki felt about the kiss, him, everything. If he didn’t do it today, then he knew he never would, and he didn’t want to live in that unknown.

* * *

“We’re home,” Tsukishima’s voice called flatly through the house as Tadashi left his shoes in their usual corner of the genkan.

Akiteru came rounding down the stairs with a sack of laundry slung over his shoulder just as Tadashi and Tsukki had stepped into the house proper. “Oh hey, I – “

“We’re going upstairs, Nii-chan.” Tsukki passed by Akiteru without hesitating.

“Okay,” Akiteru flashed an understanding smile Tsukki’s way before quickly turning his attention to Tadashi, his eyes silently urging him to stay back a minute. “Tadashi, I think you left something here last night.”

“Oh?” Tadashi glanced at Tsukishima, who gave an indifferent wave of acknowledgement that he knew Tadashi would be up in a minute, before continuing on up the staircase.

“Yeah, wait here one sec,” Akiteru put the bag of laundry down next to the stairs before dashing off into the adjacent living room.

As he went, Tadashi couldn’t help but wonder what it was he could have left. He had only taken out a few books to study with last night, all of which he had gone over again once he had gotten home. But when Akiteru appeared a moment later and Tadashi saw a familiar flash of a salmon pink notebook in his hands, Tadashi felt his palms clam up.

“Here ya go.” And Akiteru held out Tsukki’s kissing journal to Tadashi like it was just some regular old papers bound together, and not the keeper of his brother’s secrets. “I was gathering up some of Kei’s dirty clothes from his room and saw it open on his desk. Since your name was written in it, I figured it was yours and you must have left it last night.”

The only coherent thought Tadashi could manage was that Tsukki was going to be _pissed_ that Akiteru was in his room without permission. But body working before his mind could fully process, Tadashi’s hands only slightly shook as he reached out as calmly as he could. “R-right,” he nodded woodenly, and opened up the notebook because it seemed like the next right thing to do.

A quick glance over the first page confirmed that it was indeed Tsukki’s kissing journal, with Tadashi’s own name staring right back up at him. But while his name, and the names of the others, had been written in kanji, Tsukki must have had the forethought to write the descriptions in English. The page had no title, and the chart at the top had no labels, just some boxes with check marks. Tadashi could do this; he could play this off as normal.

“Uh, y-yeah,” he gulped before putting on what he hoped was a natural smile. “It’s a group project for my English class. We were each assigned a word or phrase to use to write a story together.”

“Ah, well then I’m glad I caught it for you,” Akiteru continued on, seemingly not suspicious in the slightest. “I know English isn’t your strongest subject, so it’s a good thing it didn’t get lost.” He clapped Tadashi on the shoulder good-naturedly.

“Mm,” Tadashi nodded, clutching the notebook a little too tightly in his hands. “Thanks, Akiteru-kun!” And before he could say anything else to implicate himself, Tadashi raced up the stairs

His mind was whirling. Akiteru was right, English was Tadashi’s worst subject – but the descriptions in Tsukki’s notebook were so short and to the point, that even he had no trouble deciphering them.

**Furukawa Makoto:** Stale.

**Kuroo Tetsuro:** Not bad.

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** Unexpected.

_Unexpected._ The word bounced around Tadashi’s brain with every bound up the staircase. _Unexpected… What the hell does that mean?_ In Tadashi’s experience, Tsukishima tended to have a negative predisposition to anything he couldn’t predict. Or something he _could_ have predicted if he had just had looked at the evidence differently. So, which one was this?

Tadashi shook his head, _ugh no, that part doesn’t matter. What matters is whether it’s good or bad…_

He felt like he was blinking more than usual as he stared at the worn wood of the door to Tsukki’s bedroom. _Shit, why did I run up there stairs so fast? Now he’s heard me coming and probably thinks I’m being weird for just standing here._

With a deep breath, Tadashi ran his hand through his hair, nervously straightened out the notebook as best he could, and opened the door.

* * *

Days were rarely unusual for Kei. He always had some idea how time was meant to be laid out – sure there were some variations here and there, but never anything drastic enough to completely throw of his schedule. So, when he had woken up this morning, he had assumed things would go the way they usually did on Saturdays – wake up earlier than should be reasonable for a weekend; meet Yamaguchi at the curb that sat equidistant between their houses; try not to get too cold on the walk to school; slowly get accustomed to the inevitable noise level of his teammates during practice; actually _practice_ volleyball; and then finally, go back home and lounge around with Yamaguchi until the sun set.

But apparently, the act of kissing Yamaguchi the night before was enough to mess with the entire routine. All the actual activities had been the same, but everything _felt_ different, with some moments passing by like molasses, and others zipping right by like he wasn’t even a part of them.

It was illogical, and Kei was annoyed. Kissing didn’t just disrupt the flow of time. Kissing wasn’t supposed to make him drawn to his best friend like a magnet.

The whole morning was cold, but Yamaguchi had been warm. When Kei woke up, the memory of Yamaguchi’s hands on the nape of his neck ghosted over him like a blanket; walking to the school campus, Yamaguchi radiated like a space heater; when Kei held Yamaguchi’s feet down so he could do his conditioning crunches Kei could feel the warmth seeping through the plastic of Yamaguchi’s shoes like it was branding him.

And, as Kei had run his morning laps, he couldn’t help but notice Yamaguchi had worn his jogging tights under his shorts; the tight fabric emphasizing the way his calves flexed with each easy stride forward. That’s when the warmth expanded out from Kei’s chest, up to his cheeks, and fogged up the air around him in order to confirm its place in reality.

Kei had to run even harder to match Yamaguchi’s pace so he wouldn’t get caught staring.

_Alright. So, I’m attracted to Yamaguchi,_ he concluded while they walked back home in relative silence. _Mildly concerning, but ultimately it doesn’t necessarily mean anything._

Except, as he sat now, staring blankly at his bedroom wall and waiting for his intrusive brother to get done talking with said apparently-attractive-friend, Kei knew that probably wasn’t right. _Kuroo was attractive too_ , he admitted to himself begrudgingly, _and that didn’t feel like… whatever the hell this is_.

The feeling pulsed through him again without his consent as he remembered the way that Yamaguchi had practically surged forward to grab Kei’s shirt collar and bring their chests closer together. Yamaguchi had always had confidence in a way that Kei never did; willing to throw himself into things, and just open himself up for everyone to see in a way that Kei always found kind of terrifying. Sure, that confidence wavered from time to time, but more often than not it was there. It was there in the way he told stories, his ability to just ask someone for help, and his willingness to be nervous in front of others. It was something Kei liked to be around. _Yamaguchi_ was someone Kei liked to be around.

“Fuck,” Kei breathed out almost silently while pinching the bridge of his nose.

Vaguely, he was aware of the sound of Yamaguchi’s footsteps coming up the stairs before there was an elongated pause. It wasn’t like Yamaguchi to hesitate. _What did Akiteru do to him?_ He wondered mildly.

Just as Kei stood up and was about to open the door, Yamaguchi did it himself. He looked cautious, curious and a bit resolved. Then Kei looked down at what Yamaguchi was holding and –

_Oh._ He must have been so deep in thought that he didn’t realize the notebook wasn’t on his desk where he had left it.

“Akiteru-kun said he found it in here earlier and thought it was mine since my name is in it,” Yamaguchi spoke before Kei had a chance to ask, and handed to notebook out to him. “I think I played it off well enough though, I said it was for English class. That was really smart of you Tsukki.”

The notebook was slightly bent now, like Yamaguchi had been wringing it in his hands before he came inside. “You read it then?”

“Y-yeah,” Yamaguchi paused. “Knowing for sure what was inside seemed like the easiest way to get out of explaining what it actually is.” His voice was uncharacteristically guarded.

Kei nodded. He couldn’t decide if his heart was pounding because he was annoyed that Akiteru had gone through his stuff, or because this conversation with Yamaguchi was happening so soon.

“I was uh,” without the notebook in his hands, Yamaguchi fiddled with his fingers instead. “I was going to ask you about it anyway, since we never got a chance last night. So, uh…”

“Right,” Kei set the book down on the desk. “What do you want to ask?” It was always easier to let Yamaguchi lead the big conversations.

“Well,” Yamaguchi sounded almost exasperated now, but that in turn made him seem more comfortable. “’Unexpected.’ What does that _mean_?”

Kei bit back the urge to recite the definition to him out of habit. “Means I was surprised, I guess.”

“Yeah, but surprised by _what_ specifically?” Kei felt his cheeks heat up at the idea of having to give a detailed response to _that_. “Surprised in a good way or a bad way?”

“I – “ _I don’t know_ , Kei swallowed the phrase down. _Why is this so hard?_ He knew he’d have to be as direct as he could manage. “Good… I think.”

Yamaguchi’s posture softened, but his eyes remained as sharp as ever. “I’ve been going over and over it since last night, Tsukki. I _meant_ that stuff I said beforehand – about how it wasn’t a confession and how I thought things wouldn’t be weird. But then we actually – and it was – yeah good I think – and I just don’t understand how one thing can make everything else seem different."

The way he slipped back into his usual hand gestures put Kei more at ease.

“And then I saw what you wrote and I’ve been spiraling unable to tell if I actually wanted you to say it was good or bad or not because I didn’t know what it would mean either way. And now it’s like I’m confused what it even feels like to like someone! Because if it feels like this then… it’s just – it’s like it’s always been there – and I don’t know what _that_ means either and– ”

The memory of something Yamaguchi said a few weeks ago had suddenly lodged itself in Kei’s mind and burst through his lips before he could second-guess it. “Yamaguchi, do you want to kiss me again?”

“Right now!?” Yamaguchi’s voice wasn’t much more than a scandalized squeak.

Kei shook his head quickly. “No, hypothetically. After already knowing what it was like, would you want to do it again?”

Yamaguchi parted his lips to speak, his gaze searching Kei apprehensively for a moment. “…Yes.”

Kei cleared his throat in an attempt to muffle the way his heart was threatening to climb up his throat and replace his brain entirely. “Isn’t that what you said people probably feel after they kiss the person they like? ‘I want to do that again’?”

Understanding quickly flooded Yamaguchi’s face. “Y-yeah, but I wasn’t – you know I don’t actually know what– “

“And me too,” Kei interrupted.

Yamaguchi stopped mid-ramble and just stared back at Kei searchingly, his eyes betraying the slightest glimpse of hope.

“Me too,” he repeated, only slighter quieter this time. “I’d want… I’d want to kiss you again too.”

Yamaguchi’s lips parted again, before closing back up, his eyebrows fidgeting as if they were uncertain how to form the correct expression for whatever he was feeling. The corners of his lips threatened to quirk up and his eyes were so full of soft fondness. “Tsukki can… can I,” he took a stuttering step forward, with his palm held out hesitantly. “Can I, um,” his brow wrinkled and he sighed as he attempted to gather the right words.

The way his hand was held out perpendicularly to the floor didn’t seem like he was going in for another kiss right now. Kei watched as Yamaguchi inched closer to him, each stride warming that new feeling that had nested itself in his ribcage, until Yamaguchi’s palm was hovering less than a centimeter away from Kei’s chest.

It was the kind of thing he would have shied away from before. The quick pace of his heartbeat was a surefire tell of how he was feeling. Years of practice at schooling his body not to give himself away in any capacity, was slowly ebbing away. His heart was knocking against the walls of his chest, begging to burst free and be cradled in Yamaguchi’s open palm.

So, when Yamaguchi’s finger tips, then the full pressure of his hand, landed on the fabric of Kei’s shirt and Kei looked up to read Yamaguchi’s gaze, he felt seen. Yamaguchi’s face was so open that his smile was threatening to break free of his face entirely. The emotion was completely unafraid of existing. It was contagious.

Kei wasn’t a goalpost to brag about, or a lab rat on display. For the first time, he didn’t want to squirm away. He had trusted Yamaguchi with his friendship, his inner complexities, and even the subtle tells of his fears, for years. It only made sense to trust him with whatever this new _thing_ between them was, too.

Truthfully, Kei wondered if he had already given this part of himself to Yamaguchi a long time ago, and just never knew.

Before he had realized it, Kei found his own hand reaching out to press against Yamaguchi’s chest. They were a mirror image, and Kei was shocked at how relieved he was to feel Yamaguchi’s heart beating as fast as his own.

_It’s so simple_ , he thought dumbly. _This connection is so simple, and yet it feels so…_

“Tsukki, do you want to be – “

The sound of Kei’s bedroom door swinging open interrupted Yamaguchi. “Don’t mind me, I was just –“

Kei whipped his head to glare at Akiteru who was now carrying a laundry basket full of clean, folded clothes. “Are you physically incapable of knocking or something?”

Yamaguchi’s chest lightly shook against Kei’s hand as he suppressed a laugh at Kei’s snark, but Kei barely processed it. He was too busy following Akiteru’s gaze as it quickly raked over the two of them. From Kei’s face, to his hand on Yamaguchi’s chest, then Yamaguchi’s face, and full circle to the hand on Kei’s own heart.

Akiteru’s jaw slackened by just a fraction. “Uh, what are you guys doing?”

It was a very polite way of asking “ _why exactly are you two guys standing in a room alone together, and feeling each other’s pecks?”_

Kei only gave it a moment’s thought. “Yamaguchi and I are,” he turned back to meet Yamaguchi’s eyes again. “Dating?”

Yamaguchi’s eyes went wide only for a second, spared a quick glance Akiteru’s way, and then he gave a firm and succinct nod. “Yup!”

“Y-you guys –“ for the briefest moment, Kei thought Akiteru might be angry, or confused. But then, Kei saw the tears beginning to well up in his brother’s eyes. “My cute baby brother Kei and little Tadashi!”

Akiteru practically launched himself at them – the laundry basket falling unceremoniously to the floor with a soft _thunk_ – and he enveloped them in a huge bear hug that left Kei’s forehead smashed against Yamaguchi’s, their arms now crunched at an awkward angle between their bodies, and Akiteru’s hands ruffling their hair affectionately.

“I’m swo hwappy for y-you two!” His tears sounded like they were practically clogging up his windpipe.

“Please stop touching me.”

Akiteru relented with a soft chuckle.

“Thanks, Akiteru-kun,” Yamaguchi’s voice was laced with a heavy sincerity that Kei was sure Akiteru would be able understand the full weight of.

A small part of Kei wanted to echo Yamaguchi’s statement of thanks to his brother, but instead he nodded and went with: “you can go now, Nii-chan.”

Akiteru flashed them both one last watery, pride-bursting smile before giving them a half wave and shuffled out of the room.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi’s voice made an attempt at scolding, but the pure joy that was radiating off of him muddled the effect. “You could have thanked him too. I mean… he’s some of the reason we became friends in the first place.”

It was often easy for Kei to forget that Akiteru was almost as much of a fixture in Yamaguchi’s life as his own. But he supposed it made sense. Yamaguchi was there in all of the big moments with Akiteru, and Akiteru was apparently meant to be there for the big moments with Yamaguchi too. “He knows.”

Yamaguchi’s blinding smile softened to a more understanding smirk. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

Kei hummed in response and found himself just _looking_ at Yamaguchi. How had he spent so much of his life orbiting around this person, and never thought to truly take a look at him? Sure, he’s been aware of how Yamaguchi’s grown over the years – both in height and confidence – and he even knows smaller things, like how his right cheek has slightly more freckles than the left, or that the stretch marks near his hipbone from his growth spurt two years ago, were shaped like young bamboo sprouts. How had he not realized that those seemingly inconsequential observations had formed into a feeling of home that was as much a part of Kei as it was of Yamaguchi.

_I’m an idiot._ He had a ridiculous urge to burst out laughing.

“So, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi started contemplatively. “You told Akiteru-kun that we’re dating.”

_Dating._ Even though Kei himself had asked the question, the word still sent heat to his cheeks. “Yes.”

“But, if I remember correctly,” he tapped his chin in mock seriousness as his smile turned smug. “You said you didn’t believe in dating during high school, right?”

_Our friendship was never going to end at high school anyway,_ his mind supplied effortlessly, and caused his face to truly be set aflame. “W-well, basic philosophy says that all rules will always have exceptions.”

“Tsukki. Are you saying that you _liiiiike_ me?” Yamaguchi sing-songed in a way that had absolutely no earthly reason to be so cute.

“Yamaguchi. Shut up.”

At that, the teasing left Yamaguchi’s face entirely, and his whole body was full of the giddiness from earlier. His laughter freely filled the air around them, before Yamaguchi all but fell forward to wrap his arms around Kei’s waist and rest his head right at the crest of Kei’s shoulder.

Kei stumbled back a step, not quite used to the idea of physical affection yet. He hesitated only a moment before he wrapped one arm around Yamaguchi’s shoulders, and let the other one rest somewhat awkwardly at the back of his head.

Yamaguchi seemed to relax into the touch and he let out a quiet sigh. “I like you too, Tsukki.”

_I sure hope so, after all that._ He chuckled, momentarily tightening his grip around Yamaguchi. “So, can I burn that stupid notebook now?”

Yamaguchi pulled back to better face Kei. “Mm,” he seemed to contemplate. “While the experiment does technically remain unfinished, I think I’m pretty happy with the results. Besides, it wasn’t really very scientific in the first place.”

“No. It wasn’t,” Kei deadpanned back pointedly.

Yamaguchi grinned and before Kei could register his movements, Yamaguchi leaned up and pressed a quick but firm kiss to his lips. “Besides, now I can do that basically whenever I want. A resounding success I’d say.”

Time skipped a beat again and Kei knew he should respond with something cool and witty. “I’m gonna have to get used to that,” was all he managed instead.

“Don’t,” Yamaguchi’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “It’s nice to be able to surprise you.”

_Oh god. What did I sign up for this time?_ “Tch, we’ll see about that.” He rolled his eyes and attempted a mischievous smile of his own, but he knew that for as long as Yamaguchi was willing to be by his side, Kei would never stop being surprised by him.

**~~~~~~~~~~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, that's it, it's done :)
> 
> This chapter was a bit more introspective and less "action" oriented than how I usually do things, but I'm happy with how it all turned out!
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading and to everyone who's been commenting/leaving kudos, it means so much to me! If I ever get around to writing some of the other Tsukkiyama ideas I have, I hope I'll see you all again then too :)


End file.
